Trump phones wiretapped with tech invented by Southern to spy on students

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration has released actual details on how Trump Tower phones were allegedly wiretapped by the Obama administration. “The technology used had been deployed Read more […]

Mel Gibson to direct Adventist history film “Ellen Gets Stoned”

BURBANK, Calif. — Hollywood veteran Mel Gibson has announced plans to direct a film about the early Adventist church. The title of the film, inspired by the life and adventures of Ellen White, Read more […]

Walla Walla closes after failing to reach wedding quota

COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — With tears in their eyes, administrators of Walla Walla University announced the closure of the institution today after admitting that they had not met their quota for Read more […]

Trump bans distribution of ‘The Great Controversy’ books

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Adventist Church has been forced to halt one of its favorite witnessing activities after President Donald Trump banned distribution of copies of Ellen White’s The Great Read more […]

“It Is Time AU” video triggers honest, heartfelt apology from every Adventist school for racism

UPDATE (and this is not satire): On Thursday, February 23, Andrews University responded to the “It Is Time AU” video with a formal apology and pledge in the form of a video of its own titled “It Read more […]

Tom Brady’s lost Super Bowl jersey found at Adventist thrift store

ATLANTA, Ga. — The cloud of mystery hanging over Tom Brady’s Super Bowl LI jersey lifted today. The jersey which had gone missing soon after the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl turned Read more […]

Trump deports entirety of Adventist Religious Liberty department to Sweden

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Without so much as a 24-hour warning, US President Donald Trump has deported the entire staff of the Silver Spring, Maryland-based Adventist Public Affairs and Religious Liberty Read more […]

GC: Forgetting to pray before meals causes food poisoning

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a special warning this afternoon, General Conference officials warned members that neglecting to pray before they eat leads directly to food poisoning. In an email Read more […]

Pathfinder marching honor eliminated for promoting dancing

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Pathfinder marching honor is officially a thing of the past. After an exhaustive study by the General Conference-based Biblical Research Institute, GC leaders say Read more […]