SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Pathfinder marching honor is officially a thing of the past. After an exhaustive study by the General Conference-based Biblical Research Institute, GC leaders say Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference ordination experts wiped away tears of joy and relief at the “sensible, male direction” that the United States is now heading after examining a recent Read more […]
WEST BANK — Veteran Adventist evangelist Doug Batchelor has made history with the discovery of a new Dead Sea scroll manuscript of the scriptures. The find happened during the annual caving retreat Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — An army of housekeeping inspectors has been hired by the General Conference. The new inspectors are tasked with manually checking Adventist homes for cleanliness on Friday Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump demanded this afternoon that Maryland-born General Conference President Ted Wilson produce his birth certificate. Trump claimed that he did not Read more […]
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Biblical prophecy experts from Southern Adventist University released a formal statement saying the Atlanta Falcons are prophesied to win the 2017 Super Bowl. “For the Read more […]
GLENDALE, Calif. — The already-tricky parking situation at one of Southern California’s larger Adventist churches took a turn for the worse today. The volunteer parking attendants decided Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The newly-minted Trump administration has announced that it will follow its widely-criticized “Muslim Ban” with what it is calling an “Adventist Ban.” Trump’s executive Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference President Ted Wilson announced his resignation today after admitting to accidentally applauding for a special music number at church last weekend. Wilson, Read more […]
SEATTLE, Wash. — Starbucks founder and CEO Howard Schultz has announced that the worldwide coffee shop chain will only serve decaffeinated beverages, effective immediately. The founder confessed Read more […]
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