Adventists claim Promised Land was flowing with (soy) milk and honey

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist researchers at the Biblical Research Institute (BRI) announced today that the Promised Land to which Moses was leading the Israelites was flowing with “soy milk Read more […]

Adventist posting Ellen White quotes on Facebook exempts herself from witnessing

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Lis Redbucks started this morning with an unusual amount of pep in her step after finally having found a painless way to witness about her Adventist faith. The secret? Read more […]

La Sierra theology major feels called to ask out hottest nursing major

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — With just days to go before Christmas break, La Sierra University Theology Major Tei Amo has confessed to feeling a calling deep inside to ask out the hottest nursing major Read more […]

Gordon Ramsay signs up for “Heaven’s Kitchen” Adventist potluck series

CULVER CITY, Calif. — Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay has decided to add a new show to his current filming schedule. The new series will be called Heaven’s Kitchen and will attempt to single out Read more […]

Trump: Mexico’s University of Montemorelos stealing Adventist students from US

NEW YORK, N.Y. — In a tirade against Mexico’s stealing of US business, President-Elect Donald Trump added that Mexico-based University of Montemorelos was stealing Adventist students from Adventist Read more […]

Walking Dead series canceled after producers hear Adventist State of the Dead sermon

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Producers of the popular Walking Dead TV series have canceled the show after hearing a particularly convincing Adventist sermon on the state of the dead. The producers Read more […]

Adventist teen prays for boyfriend before the Second Coming

  ST. JOSEPH, Mich.— Espera Tepido has prayed every day for the past year for a nice Adventist boyfriend this side of the Second Coming. The 16-year-old began making the urgent prayer Read more […]

Adventist dad forgets all about Desmond Doss when daughter finds boyfriend

MARIETTA, Ga. — Chuck Packen, a lifelong Adventist and proud father of 17-year-old daughter Carrie, has already completely forgotten the Desmond T. Doss talking points that he had ready for Read more […]