ANCIENT JUDEA --- A catering crisis blew up minutes after the prodigal son returned to his father.
Although most of the household and its well-compensated staff were delighted at the announcement that the father had ordered fattened calf to celebrate his son's return, one member of the family dropped a culinary announcement that wet blanketed the festivities immediately.
"I'm vegan," announced the rule-abiding older brother, adding that unless someone could rustle up some premium Worthington products pronto, he'd be a no-show at the feast.
As no ABC stores were open, the household caterers were unable to meet the son's demands.
The rest of the partiers breathed a sigh of relief as the older brother turned in early for the night. No amount of reasoning about inheritance values could shake the pouty, newly-minted vegan of his mood or his unbending misinterpretation of NEWSTART principles.