Sabbath School editor Clifford Goldstein recruits Jon Stewart to spice up quarterly

Clifford Goldstein and Jon Stewart... The future of the Sabbath School quarterly rests on their shoulders...
Clifford Goldstein and Jon Stewart… The future of the Sabbath School quarterly rests on their shoulders…
NEW YORK, N.Y. — Closet Adventist fans of Comedy Central’s recently-exited Daily Show satirist Jon Stewart, were delighted to hear than the funnyman has been recruited to give the Seventh-day Adventist Sabbath School lesson a face-lift.

“I may be Adventist but I’m also Jewish and have some connections in the community,” said Sabbath School Bible Study Guide Editor, Clifford Goldstein.  “A Jewish New Yorker friend of mine knows Jon and pitched him my idea of injecting some humor into the Sabbath School quarterly as part of his follow-up act after leaving the Daily Show.”

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Shockingly the culturally Jewish yet completely secular comic was up to the challenge of cheering up what he recognized as “the most curiously Jewish of Christian churches.”

“Jon Stewart has been doing the Daily Show for as long as I’ve done the Sabbath School Lesson,” said Goldstein. “We started our respective gigs in 1999 but, unlike him, I don’t have a net worth of $80 million. The Sabbath School Lesson doesn’t pay very well. So I’m not throwing in the towel just yet.”

“As Adventists we may be known for many things but humor isn’t one of them,” commented Andrews University-based Church Historian, Elmer Haven. “Historically the odds of an Adventist chortling while reading the Sabbath School lesson have been about as strong as those of him or her being raptured. So I am both curious and somewhat fearful about Jon Stewart’s new project.”

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  1. Fay

    I don’t think that would work in the long run; it wouldn’t take long and sda’s would flee in droves, carrying large rolls of the beloved dissonance under their arms

  2. NoSmilesHere

    A Quarterly that brings a smile would be a lose-lose situation, which our chuch seems to major in these days. Members over 60 wouldn’t catch the humor and would burn their Quarterlies if someone mentioned humor hid somewhere in the pages. Members under 50 wouldn’t catch the humor either because they gave up on the boring lessons in their youth. The best alternative is to find an alternative SS class where the topics attract and inform members. They do exist, though only in churches where the powers-that-be don’t insist on lock-step religion. As for dear ole Clifford, he does his best but he doesn’t write the quarterlies, just edits the hopeless manuscripts that come in, sort of like trying to turn pig’s ears into silk purses, to use a non-kosher expression. Oink, oink, Clifford!

  3. As always, the spokesperson’s name is one of the best parts. This time it’s “church historian” Dr. “Elmer Haven.” Yup, I’m sure he studied a lot about “Elmshaven,” the historic home of Ellen White near St. Helena, CA.

    As for humor, there’s no need for Jon’s assistance because Clifford has quite a sense of humor himself. We just need to convince Clifford to let loose and inject some of his jokes and puns into the dry manuscripts that he edits. He might surprise us yet. For starters, he could slip in a “featured joke” in place of the featured quote. And a “memory pun” in place of the memory verse. The possibilities are endless.

  4. Ray Kraft

    Don’t you all know that when Moses dropped the original tablet of the Ten Commandments on Mt. Sinai and it broke into ten thousand pieces there were really eleven commandments?

    And what was the eleventh?

    “Thou shalt not laugh.”

    • Fred Austere

      Uh-oh. Then we need to repent of reading this blog, and Sevvy better repent of the sin of “suborning laughter.” But how do you know there was an 11th Commandment? Were you there with Moses?

  5. Hilarious Clinton

    Clifford and Jon are both funny guys. This is a great plan. Laughter is a blessing. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. Let the humor and good times roll.

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