Sabbath School exams to identify Adventists that don’t study quarterly

Study up!
Study up!
ADVENTIST WORLD — Starting this weekend, Adventists will be subjected to Sabbath School exams to test their knowledge of the quarterly.

The weekly exams will take place right before the start of Sabbath School and will feature multiple choice questions plus a short essay.

“Far too many of our members are coasting when it comes to studying their Sabbath School quarterly,” said GC Sabbath School Ministries spokesperson Rocky Silverstein. “The Sabbath School exam will make sure that those that barely skim their quarterly during the week are outed.”

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Silverstein said that members’ names and scores will be displayed via PowerPoint at the start of the Divine Service each week.

He warned that anyone found to be skipping the Sabbath School exam would be excluded from potluck and scheduled for parking lot duty on Sabbaths with particularly bad weather.

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One Comment

  1. Now who is going to implement this new idea? Will the SS super wave a magic wand over you as you enter the door? Maybe a brain cat scan? It’s called the church at study, not the SS at study!! I’m gonna do my lay activities right after I gorge myself with my stash of Little Debbies.

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