SILVER SPRING, Md. --- "Delegates who played hooky during the San Antonio GC business meetings are about to get their comeuppance," warned General Conference Treasury spokesperson Will Butcher.
Acknowledging worldwide dissatisfaction with delegate absenteeism during the meetings, Butcher announced that absentee delegates employed by the church will face 5% pay cuts for each half-day of business meetings skipped in addition to never being invited back as GC delegates.
"It's all very well turning up and getting vocal for women's ordination showdowns but the true test of a worthy delegate is turning up for work consistently," said Butcher. "Sadly, as oceans of empty delegate chairs repeatedly attested, that kind of conscientious consistency was not on display with a lot of our delegates." Butcher added that regardless of the level of office currently enjoyed by absentee delegates, punishment would be dealt out consistently as a deterrent to future delegate truancy.
"We now realize that we essentially bank rolled a San Antonio vacation for a distressingly large percentage of our delegate population," said Butcher. "Some of these slackers are still holidaying as I speak."
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