Southern student with box of Valentine’s carobs still hasn’t found a banquet date

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COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — As of early Friday morning, February 13th, Junior Chemistry major Fred Land reported still not having secured a date for tomorrow night’s Southern Adventist University Valentine’s banquet.

Despite having purchased a large box of attractively-packaged Valentines carobs and practically living outside Southern’s Thatcher Hall women’s residence, Land has experienced nothing but polite rejection all week.

“I have no idea where I went wrong,” lamented Land in a pre-dawn radio with Southern’s WSMC radio station. “Even my Theology major roommate managed to snag a banquet date and all he had going for him were gas station flowers.”

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Although he confessed to being more than a little discouraged by his romantic misfortune, Land said he has stopped short of questioning the value of his Southern education or the wisdom of blowing half his cafeteria cashier’s paycheck on the box of carob.

“I’m skipping my A&P class and just hanging out in the prayer garden all day today,” said Land, “It’s a bit of a desperate move but I hear one in two Southern marriages can trace their roots to a chance meeting there.”


4 Comments

  1. Come now, sevvy; even John the Baptist liked carob. It is mentioned in Matthew 3:4 as “locusts and wild honey,” which scholars believe to indicate carob pods and honey. Plus, you didn’t report what Fred actually said to the young ladies when asking them out. Their rejections might have nothing to do with the carob.

    Oh, wait a minute. I just got a phone call from my niece at Southern. She said was elated and overjoyed. She was taking a stroll through the Garden of Prayer this morning when she literally stumbled over a young man who was prostrated on the sidewalk, earnest in prayer. She spotted the box of Valentines carob candies in his clenched fist as Fred popped the question. Not only did he ask her out to the banquet, he also asked her to marry him. Since her boyfriend broke up with her last night, she just happened to be available and immediately said Yes! She sheepishly admitted to me, “It was the carob, Auntie. I just couldn’t resist the carob. If it’s good enough for John the Baptist, it’s good enough for me.” As word has spread this morning, piles of chocolate candy boxes have been spotted in discarded dumpsters, and male students have been observed traversing the Garden of Prayer with armloads of carob.

    • Ray Kraft

      What a wonderful story of true love and carob!

      I’ve always wondered why scholars (who are they?) feel the need to turn locusts from locusts into carob. People throughout the ages ate insects, many cultures do today, so it seems perfectly reasonable that locusts means locusts . . . I know, sounds disgusting to us . . . but grilled locusts dipped in honey?

      Yummy!

      Even better than carob!

  2. Ray Kraft

    My mom was always careful to substitute carob for chocolate . . . I could never figure out why . . . chocolate is all natural and organic, God made the cocoa beans, yes? So what could be wrong with chocolate?

    So why do Adventists flee from chocolate and embrace this pathetic substitute for the real thing?

    Why do Adventists reject some things God made, but not others?

    Very strange.

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