Southwestern Adventist University claims a graduate has found a job

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Ben Kim is loving his second week working at GAP.
KEENE, Texas — Southwestern Adventist University sent a press release to regional media late yesterday claiming that a recent graduate has found a job.

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“We are proud to announce that Ben Kim (BA ’12) is presently entering into his second week of gainful employment,” read the release which describes Kim as an enthusiastic go-getter “who always showed great promise and fully deserves his new position as Assistant to the Floor Manager at a GAP outlet in Houston, Texas.”

Kim is said to be fully enjoying his job and has testified that he “would not be here today were it not for a degree from Southwestern.”

The press release was accompanied by a message to the student body saying that “Ben’s story show us the true value in higher education.” The message also encouraged students to “give 110% to your classes and keep paying your school bills on time.”

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“Ben shows that there is hope for all of our students,” said Southwestern Careers Advisor, Karen Siltra. “If one of our students can get a job at GAP there is no reason Banana Republic or even JC Penney couldn’t hire our grads.”

“This is just the start,” said Kim, talking about his vision of the future. “One day I’m pretty sure I’ll make Floor Manager and honestly, the sky’s the limit after that!”


5 Comments

  1. Richard Mills

    Ben is at a low entry position. Part time only. No company benefits. Rotating schedule. Difficult to get Sabbath hours off. No job advancement. Stuck in a sales quota. Gets tired of customer complaints. Commutes by public transit. No social life-yadda-yadda-yadda. He’ll work the rest of his life paying the school debt to Uncle Sam. Shoulda been employed by an SDA Conference, then work your way up the ladder. Woe is me!

  2. Pastor Bruce

    All graduates should apply at Washington Conference as we have a motto that we are making room for new graduates. Every Christmas, We in the office make a list and check it twice as to who we are going to fire each year. Usually it is those who have given over 20 years of service, because they will better understand that this is God’s will. In their place we hire young fresh blood into the pastoral ministry. We are trying to do our part for our young people.

  3. Steve Severance

    I’m noticing that Southwestern has been a target of much of the satire recently, including implications that the school is politically biased, that graduates have a hard time getting jobs, and the one about haystacks degree (now that one really was funny). I guess someone has a special love for SWAU, in order to make jokes about it so much.

    The truth is that Southwestern is a very diverse campus and that diversity includes political views. Also the hire rate, especially in Theology, Nursing, and Education is exceptionally high. For satire to be effective it should have some reflection on reality, many of these posts do not fit that description. However, it is nice to see Southwestern’s name in lights, I just hope people realize the stories are not true satire, they’re just plain bogus.

  4. Steve Severance

    I’m noticing that Southwestern has been a target of much of the satire recently, including implications that the school is politically biased, that graduates have a hard time getting jobs, and the one about haystacks degree (now that one really was funny). I guess someone has a special love for SWAU, in order to make jokes about it so much.

    The truth is that Southwestern’s the hire rate, especially in Theology, Nursing, and Education is exceptionally high.

    For satire to be effective it should have some reflection on reality, many of these posts do not fit that description. However, it is nice to see Southwestern’s name in lights, I just hope people realize the stories are not true satire, they’re just plain bogus.

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