SWAT team frees trapped Adventists from altar call

Liberation
Liberation
ATRAPADO, Fla. — Minutes ago, 250 souls were freed from Atrapado Lane Adventist Church by a SWAT team.

The rescue mission took place after news that a visiting preacher’s altar call had gone on for more than an hour.

“The guy just kept asking for one more commitment,” said an exhausted deacon as medics swarmed around his stretcher. “And he wouldn’t stop even after the stage was full of volunteers.”

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Another freed captive told investigators that the congregation had sung “what felt like every song in the hymn book” before the SWAT team got here.

The visiting preacher was unrepentant. Before being hauled off in a police van he could be heard offering the arresting officer GLOW tracts and vegetarian cooking classes.

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4 Comments

  1. Buckykat

    One of my husband’s college friends used to do perfect altar call imitations… “Come on people…. isn’t there just one more who wants to come forward? Only one more and I’ll get my picture in the Review!”

  2. The alter call is and has been a boost to SDA “conversions” The alter call is lampooned , and justly so, as the drama of “come-to-the-front-and-get saved.” First hand, this writer has witnessed SDA evangelists deceitfully using members planted in the audience to arise and come forward so as to prompt public attendees to do likewise. This deceptive ploy is lampooned in some comedy movies. Originally it was used in live-theaters by paid clappers sat in the audience. In a final analysis such as I have described fits neatly into the very core of Adventism which is its
    “right doctrine” -“Oh yes we have the truth!” This party-political jingoism takes first place over SDAs being noted as a loving lovable people.

  3. When the Sunday law is in effect, you’ll see these SWAT teams all over. Get used to it. Get down on your knees and pray. Confess your sins. Get right with God or you will perish in Hell. Come on down a get saved now or be lost. Send in your tax exempt donations. Heaven is just around the corner, folks! Do I hear an AMEN? Do I hear a Praise the Lord? Come on dooooown!
    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I feel the spirit in this place.

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