Taco Bell grants Adventist request, rebrands taco salad as “haystacks”

They've always been haystacks to us...
They’ve always been haystacks to us…
IRVINE, Calif. — In a move celebrated by Seventh-day Adventist Taco Bell-lovers across the United States, the fast-food chain has agreed to a longstanding Adventists request to rebrand all of its taco salad menu items as “haystacks.”  From now on any Fiesta Taco Salad offered by Taco Bell will be called Fiesta Haystacks.

Taco Bell’s headquarters said that the rebranding was a “goodwill gesture” offered in recognition of “overwhelming support for our brand from members of the Seventh-day Adventist Church over several decades.”

All kidding aside, click to learn more about Union College

The statement added that the chain felt particularly indebted to the church in Adventist college towns where “students often have sacrificed eating in their own college cafeterias to show their daily support for our restaurants.”

“I was delighted to hear the Taco Bell haystacks news,” said Irvine-based Adventist activist Chalupa Vegano. “The next step is to get rid of meat in Taco Bell menu items. I think we could make a solid case for Loma Linda/Worthington products as meat replacements.”

SPONSORED LINKS

Tell the World: The Inspiring Story of the Seventh-day Adventist Church



 

36 Comments

  1. Now that Taco Bell finally got the right name for Haystacks, they should see a massive influx of Adventist customers (who previously had no idea what the “taco salad” menu item was). If only this had been done in San Antonio before the GC Session. Taco Bell would have made a fortune in July!

    I wonder if Ted Wilson’s breach of haystack recipe secrets had anything to do with this? By the way, I like the “Adventist activist’s” name, “Chalupa Vegano.” Yep, those “vegan chalupas” are wonderful.

    • Ray Kraft

      Now don’t be sarcastic, you know many people travel all over the world to eat in Adventist school cafeterias . . . they should be featured as a cover story in Gourmet Magazine.

  2. Veggie Tails

    “The next step is to get rid of meat in Taco Bell menu items. I think we could make a solid case for Loma Linda/Worthington products as meat replacements.” Well, the least they could do is provide veggie-meat as an option. I would eat there everyday if so. Can somebody please start a petition on Change .org?

  3. GC Dietary Dept.

    Dear Taco Bell:
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍It’s a day to celebrate! We’ve been praying for this! Now that we’re on the same page, you can expect to receive orders in bulk from all GC institutions. It’s not what it is, but what you call it that counts! (Sort of like calling women pastors “commissioned” instead of “ordained.”)
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍Sincerely,
    GC Dietary Department
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍P.S. Please throw out the chedder and start using vegan soy cheese, even though we have long considered our female founder’s warnings about cheese to be optional at best or meaningless at worst, sort of like her many statements encouraging women to be ministers. Chao.

  4. Hilarious Clinton

    I bet my good friend Donald Trump had something to do with this, since they got rid of the Mexican word “taco” and replaced with the very-American word “haystacks.” Next thing you know, he’ll be calling for a “great wall” along the Mexican border to keep illegal tacos out of restaurants. :)

  5. Marc Aurelius

    Isn’t Adventist culture great? The whole world is divided into two camps, like the sheep and the goats. You’re either an Adventist or a “non-Adventist.” They are born in Adventist hospitals, go to Adventist daycare, live in Adventist ghettos, attend Adventist schools and colleges, get baptized in Adventist churches, eat Adventist food, marry Adventist spouses, have Adventist children, read Adventist books, interpret the Bible through an Adventist prophetess, watch Adventist TV, work in Adventist institutions, give to Adventist charities, retire to Adventist senior communities, live out their last days in Adventist nursing homes, die in Adventist hospitals, are buried in Adventist graveyards, will be resurrected in Adventist cemeteries, will be asked for their Adventist ID card at the pearly gates, and will live in the Adventist heaven (or at least the Adventist section of heaven). There, they will worship the Adventist God … and the Adventist culture. I hope haystacks will grow on the Tree of Life.

    • Ray Kraft

      Hey, all of Heaven is Adventist Heaven, all real Adventists know that only Adventists can go to Heaven! We won’t have to mingle with heathen people from all the apostate churches. Cuz they’ll be in the Lake of Fire.

      When I furtively escaped the Adventist Ghetto at the age of 18 and went to a community college, I could count all the Unbelievers I knew by name on my fingers, including a few relatives . . . I was truly amazed and astonished at how nice and how normal the pagans at that public school were. As far as I could tell, not even one of them were making human sacrifices on the burning altar of Baal.

    • Adventist ??

      Wait until I wipe this heathen make up off my face, so I can finish reading your comment. The mascara and tears from laughing are sticking my lashes together. A well-meaning friend scotch taped a “Cosmetics” missive onto my door a couple weeks ago, so I think I’m in the crosshairs.
      Please remember if you wear that goo (as I do), and some modest jewelry (guilty again), some think you probably will never set your toe in the all-Adventist Sweet Bye-n-Bye.

  6. Lisa Mona

    If you think haystacks are a news item, I’ve got news for you. Elvis is alive! The King is 80 years old now, but he is alive and well. His “death” in 1977 was a cruel hoax to trick the gullible public, who will fall for anything. He is actually hiding at a branch campus of Amazing Facts on a UFO. He has vowed to stay up there until the church stops arguing about Women’s Ordination.

  7. Donald Stump

    Why does this site have those weird advertisements on the right side of the page? It says, “Find the sweet Asian woman you are meant to be with.” How do they know I was meant to be with her? Especially considering I’m already married. . . .

    • Francis Bacon

      Maybe it was the “Baptist hackers” who infiltrated Ted Wilson’s unauthorized private e-mail server, where he was storing top-secret classified national haystacks security data. They want a piece of the pie, so to speak.

  8. Richard Mills

    I love Taco Bell. I go to the local Taco Bell at least 5 times a week around lunch time. The chulapas are great. They will put vega burger in place of the meat. Tastes delicious and is good for you, too. Maybe Taco Bell can be bought out by an SDA Food company and can go forth to veganize all of us. Only a dream? How about that deal, McKee Bakery? You buy out Taco Bell!! Woe is me.

    • Ein Stein

      If an electromagnetic radio frequency (RF) pulse is applied at the resonance (Larmor, precession, wobble) frequency, then the protons can absorb that energy. At the quantum level, a single proton jumps to a higher energy state. The initial amplitude of the signal is determined by the portion of the magnetization vector (Mø) that has been tipped onto the XY plane.

  9. Disclaimer: “Please note that this story, like others on this site, is a joke. All characters and incidents appearing in this ‘report’ are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or events, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, irony, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find these stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (or maybe he should check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.”

  10. Milly Rice

    This site is a disgrace. The owner is perpetrating lies in the name of “satire.” Satire is one thing; lies are another. This site is neither one. Shame on you. And you can stop hiding behind that cheesy screen-name (“sevvy”). We know who you are; our detectives we have identified you as Stephen McClarty of Omaha, Nebraska. Why not use your time, talent, and effort to write something true and worthwhile, like The Three Stooges? Nobody even reads this site anymore; and all the people who write comments are a bunch of losers.

  11. ブルガリスーパーコピー 紹介のホリデースペシャルとして、私は1月4日、2016年を通して私の新しいマーク・カーソンkaラスポーツ腕時計は20 %オフで現在提供しています。価格は、色のあなたの選択において2インフィニティ・ストラップを含みます(革のひもは非常にわずかにより多くのコスト)。販売価格1040ドルで始まります。 http://www.brandiwc.com/brand-super-11-copy-0.html

  12. スーパーコピーブランド格安販売店はこちらへ!品々の激安価格に持ったスーパーコピーブランド 代引きの新作はお客様に提供されます。安心、迅速、確実、お客様の手元にお届け致します。★弊社は9年の豊富な経験と実績を持っております。★一流の素材を選択し、精巧な作り方でまるで本物のようなな製品を造ります。★品質を重視、納期も厳守、お客様第一主義を貫きは当社の方針です。★驚きの低価格で商品をお客様に提供致します!★早速に購入へようこそ! http://www.gowatchs.com/brand-215.html

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *