Trump, Biden Commit To Singing “Kumbaya” Together At Start Of Next Debate

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After the unmitigated disaster that was the first US Presidential Debate, both President Donald Trump and Former Vice President Joe Biden have committed to a duet at the Read more […]

Trump Promises To Build Wall Around Adventist Subdivision In Heaven

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Election Day looms, the Trump and Biden campaigns are appealing to voters of all stripes in an attempt to woo them. Both candidates are scraping the barrel when it comes to Read more […]

Adventists: “Raptured” Evangelical Really Just Snatched By Federal Agents

PORTLAND, Ore. — Adventists in the Pacfic Northwest have done their honest part to point out that local Evangelical, Agah Peh, widely assumed to have been raptured yesterday, had simply been snatched Read more […]

Trump promises to slash price of haystacks guac/salsa in half with US-Mexico trade deal

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump hailed an “incredible” new trade deal with Mexico today and surprised Adventists, in particular, by saying that the deal would, “make Ben Carson’s people Read more […]

Carson: “Cruz’s non-endorsement of Trump is biggest insult since GC rejected Women’s Ordination”

CLEVELAND, Ohio — Former presidential candidate Ben Carson had strong words to describe Ted Cruz’s refusal to endorse Donald Trump for president yesterday. “Cruz’s non-endorsement of Donald Read more […]

Trump cheers “terrific” Brexit, wants to invest in Newbold College

BERKSHIRE, England — In a surprise visit hours before arriving in Scotland for the opening of the Trump Turnberry golf resort, Donald Trump toured the campus of Newbold College. Standing Read more […]

Trump to ban Adventists from outsourcing baptisms to other countries

NEW YORK, N.Y. — In a rare policy speech this morning, presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump vowed to stop the Seventh-day Adventist Church from outsourcing its baptisms to countries outside Read more […]

On eve of Iowa caucuses, Trump promises “YUGE” Sunday Law

IOWA CITY, Iowa — On the day before the Iowa caucuses, GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump is doing his best to appeal to voters who have been skeptical about his claims to be a Christian. Read more […]

Trump not opposed to a registry of Adventists either

NEW YORK, N.Y. — After drawing fire this week for seeming to support a US registry of Muslims, real estate magnate and presidential candidate, Donald Trump has done what he usually does in the Read more […]

Trump threatens to convert to Adventism if Carson keeps beating him in polls

NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. — Immediately on the heels of critiquing Republican rival Ben Carson’s Seventh-day Adventist faith, presidential candidate Donald Trump is now threatening to convert to Adventism Read more […]