TractCannon: Witnessing at the pull of a trigger

TractCannon a miracle of engineering....
TractCannon a miracle of “evangeneering”….
Fresh off the monster success of the iWade (Sabbath water wading aid), Weimar-based AdvenTech is beta testing an entirely new product line.  Instead of protecting against inappropriate Sabbath water activity, TractCannon promises to enhance Sabbath witnessing.

“TractCannon makes sharing the good news a far more streamlined process,” stated the official press release.  “It’s very simple.  Attach the TractCannon to the roof rack of your car and then drive slowly down the streets of your neighborhood shooting clouds of Bible verse confetti into your neighbors’ front yards.”

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Chief Technology Officer Sheryl Miranda enumerated some of the benefits of TractCannon witnessing.  “For starters, it’s a lot faster than traditional witnessing.  It only takes a minute to spray your neighbor’s yard with confetti.  It’s also a lot less awkward as you don’t actually have to meet anyone.  All you do is aim and pull the trigger.”

“It sure beats having to get to know people,” said beta tester Frank Dupertuis who has been enthusiastically covering the residential streets of his hometown with tract confetti on Sabbath afternoons.  “Plus, it only takes me 25 minutes so I get a way longer Sabbath nap than when I used to have to drag myself out to the nursing home sunshine band.”

AdvenTech has taken a very data-driven approach to selling ammunition for TractCannon.  “Your neighbors are not necessarily going to have time to read every single piece of confetti on their lawn but testing has shown that an initial round of 5000 confetti strands will establish base-level awareness.  You may want to follow up later with a more colorful, patriotic round of red, white and blue Bible verse confetti a few weeks later,” said Miranda.

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For those who are unable to drive, AdvenTech has a rooftop model that can be attached to any house for a modest fee.  The rooftop model of the TractCannon is most effective when there is a slight breeze that can carry the confetti (that will be shot straight up in the air) to nearby locations.

“I feel like I am shouting the good news from the rooftops,” said tester Mary Blakewell with a gleam in her eye as she discussed her experience with this model.

Although AdvenTech has the capacity to print the confetti with any verse, brevity is advised due to space restrictions.  Also, to avoid littering fines, no addresses will be printed.


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One Comment

  1. Richard Mills

    5/8/14
    Reminds me of the “Literature” bombs used in years gone by. You tossed out a bundle of SDA literature and hoped that somebody would read it. It was OK until it was discovered to be a form of dumping trash & littering along the highway, etc. If you are caught, it was punishable by fines.. This pictured item is also used to shoot T-shirts at concerts and Pathfinder events. What goes around-comes around. Hit me with a Youth Instructor!!

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