FALL RIVER, Wis. — Details are emerging this morning of a late-night security intervention at the Wisconsin Conference offices. ADT Security personnel arrived at the office building shortly after 10 PM last night after an anonymous tipster claimed that 17 Conference employees had raided the Dorcas Community Services Center back room and run off with “over a dozen of its very ugliest sweaters.”
In a detailed report from the event, security officers say they walked through the open front door to the Conference building and followed the sounds of “wild hooting and hollering” up some stairs and down a hall to a large office where a swarm of conference employees were jumping around in what ADT personnel described as “the worst sweaters we’ve seen since the early 90s.”
The security officers were reportedly shocked when the rowdy crowd broke out in applause as they entered the room. “Nobody actually believed we worked for ADT, they just thought they were being pranked,” said Chuck Crowley who had led the charge on the Conference building. “They kept giving us the Christmas antlers with their hands like this was a big joke.”
The confusion lasted for several minutes until paperwork was produced by the officers and inspected by the crowd which sobered up quickly when the sweater complaint call was relayed. “Several senior conference officials apologized for the incident and we accepted their explanation that they had simply borrowed the clothing for their Ugly Sweater Party,” said Crowley who added that he “gave the crowd a stern talking to.”
The ADT crew oversaw the return of every sweater to the Dorcas supply and also checked the premises for alcohol. All they found was a crate of empty Martinelli’s bottles.