RENO, Nev. — World Rook Olympics officials have officially banned Dave Anderson, a 77-year-old retired Adventist youth pastor, from future competition following his 7th straight Gold medal at the games held every four years. The ruling effectively freezes out Anderson who has demolished his competition at the tournament every time it has been held since the 1980s.
Anderson’s banning provoked an immediate outcry among Adventist fans around the globe, many of whom expressed their deep sense of personal victory every time Anderson bested his competition.
“Adventists never really win at sports,” complained Russ Tolsten, a third-generation Adventist from Minneapolis, Minn. “It’s been nice to be able to root for at least one consistent Adventist champ over the years. Now even Pastor Anderson is being taken from us.”
Protests lodged with officials have done nothing to change their ruling. “We all love Dave but when you have one guy who has clobbered everyone else since before the end of the Cold War you have to make some tough decisions,” said Peter Chapman, World Rook Olympics Association President.
Anderson isn’t letting the decision discourage him. “Rook wasn’t the only thing I learned over my career as a youth pastor,” he said in reaction to the news. “I just joined a fancy drill marching league. Now I’m going to let my little light shine while I whoop some behind doing snazzy drill combos in my double-sashed Master Guide gear.”
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