BREAKING NEWS
COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — “Telling seniors they won’t march for graduation if they haven’t paid their school bills isn’t working,” said Will Lockem, spokesperson for Walla Walla Univeristy’s Student Finance Department. Citing the yearly number of seniors leaving Walla Walla for good with unpaid bills as being sharply on the rise, Lockem said that the university had been forced to invest in stronger deterrents. The spokesperson explained that an undisclosed number of both male and female residence hall rooms have been “upgraded” to function as holding cells. The units have been constructed to detain students until such time as their bills are paid in full. “Walla Walla is confident that a life behind bars and featuring only the worst of cafeteria leftovers will impress upon students the need to fulfill their financial obligations to the institution,” said Lockem.
