Monday, February 10, 2025

Adventist deacons issued Super Soakers to wake up church nappers

Share

Armed deacons.
Armed deacons.

ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist deacons have received the ultimate weapon to combat napping in church: Super Soakers.

Shipments of the high-power water guns arrived at Adventist churches worldwide with specific usage instructions.

Anyone that appears to have their eyes closed in anything but prayer in Sabbath School or the main service will receive a powerful blast of water to the face.

“We encourage our deacons to do extensive target practice before using the Super Soakers on Sabbath morning,” said GC Church Discipline spokesperson, Jus Drenchm, “You want to make sure that you don’t accidentally soak someone sitting next to the sleeping party.”

Deacons were told to get as close as possible to the snoozing member before firing.

“There’s something very distracting about a powerful jet of water shooting across the entire width of the sanctuary right in the middle of a sermon,” said Drenchm, “It’s far better to creep into position so you are in the pew directly next to the slumbering saint before you deliver a second baptism.”

Sponsored by Adventist BNB. Short term home or room rentals by Adventists for Adventists.


Advertise on BarelyAdventist

SPONSORED LINKS

You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.

Check out the Sonscreen Film Festival!

Share your Adventist faith & lifestyle through cool awesome t-shirts | SDAshirts.com

.

Read more

Local News