Potluck – a time for fellowship, food, and, for many Adventist kids, a chance to be thoroughly embarrassed by their well-meaning dads. Here are the top ten ways Adventist dads manage to turn every potluck into a cringefest:
1. The Towering Plate Pile
– It’s as if dads think it’s a competitive sport. Balancing lasagna on top of jello salad on top of haystacks, they create an architectural wonder, causing their kids to cringe as they hope it doesn’t topple over on the way back to the table.
2. The Classic Dad Joke
– No potluck is complete without an arsenal of groan-inducing dad jokes. “Why don’t we eat clocks? Because it’s too time-consuming!” Cue the eye rolls and desperate pleas for a quick escape.
3. Unsolicited Food Critic
– Dad transforms into Gordon Ramsay, loudly declaring, “Who made this bean casserole? Needs more salt!” as if he’s hosting a cooking show, while his kids attempt to disappear under the table.
4. The Recipe Brag
– Bringing a dish he’s particularly proud of, Dad will corner unsuspecting church members to give a detailed account of how he “perfected” his famous lentil loaf recipe, much to his kids’ chagrin.
5. Hovering Over Dessert
– Standing guard by the dessert table, Dad makes sure he gets the first (and second) slice of pie, all while chatting up anyone within earshot about the merits of vegan whipped cream.
6. Overzealous Cleanup Crew
– Eager to demonstrate their commitment, dads will start cleaning up while people are still eating, whisking away plates and cups, sometimes before their own kids have even finished their food.
7. The Walking Tour Guide
– Leading new members around the potluck like a seasoned tour guide, Dad will proudly introduce everyone, whether they like it or not, to his “potluck buddies” and recount the history of each dish they encounter.
8. Talking Sports (Loudly)
– Even at a potluck, sports talk is unavoidable. Dads will loudly discuss last week’s game, complete with play-by-play reenactments, while their kids silently wish for selective deafness.
9. The Social Media Maven
– Determined to document every moment, Dad takes endless photos of the food, the people, and the decorations, insisting on group selfies, much to the dismay of his camera-shy offspring.
10. Fashion Faux Pas
– Wearing the same bright Hawaiian shirt to every Sabbath potluck, Dad is convinced it’s his lucky shirt. His kids, however, consider it a beacon of embarrassment, easily spotted from anywhere in the fellowship hall.
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