A recent survey has found that an overwhelming majority of church members would prefer to undergo multiple root canals than volunteer to teach the teen Sabbath School class.
The study, conducted by the Institute of Adventist Avoidance Tactics, surveyed over 10,000 Adventists across the globe. When asked to choose between “teaching hormonal teenagers about Daniel’s prophecies” or “having a dentist drill into their tooth roots,” a staggering 99% of respondents chose the latter without hesitation.
“I’d rather have all my teeth hollowed out than try to explain the 2300-day prophecy to a room full of TikTok-addicted teens,” said Elder Johnson, 62, clutching his Bible protectively. “At least during a root canal, I can be sedated.”
Many cited the teens’ ability to smell fear and their uncanny knack for asking questions about Ellen White’s more obscure visions as primary reasons for their dental preference.
Local youth pastor Brad “Cool Dude” Thompson commented, “I thought I was prepared. I had my skinny jeans on, my hair perfectly disheveled, and a PowerPoint full of totally sick Bible memes. But when a teen asked why God created the devil if He knew he’d rebel, I seriously considered faking a medical emergency.”
In response to the survey, the General Conference has proposed a new initiative called “Endodontic Recruitment,” which aims to place Sabbath School materials in dental waiting rooms.
“We figure if they’re already facing their fears at the dentist’s, tackling teen Sabbath School might not seem so bad,” explained a GC representative, who wished to remain anonymous.
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