Freedom-loving Adventist liberal finds traffic laws far too legalistic

PASADENA, Calif. — Self-professed liberated Seventh-day Adventist and enthusiastic road tripper, Luke Whaurme, can still remember the day when he threw out stodgy religion and all its pedantic Read more […]

Adventist headquarters to move to undisclosed cave if Trump wins

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Senior leaders at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists are reviewing a list of secret locations to which staff and day-to-day operations could relocate if real Read more […]

Rich Adventist funds research into needle eyes that can fit camels

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Multi-millionaire Adventist Frank B. Worthington has funded major research at the Andrews University School of Architecture. The aim of the project is to design sewing Read more […]

Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna to wed at Italian Adventist University

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Star couple Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna have revealed the location of their much-discussed wedding: Italy’s Adventist University, Villa Aurora. The couple reportedly chose Read more […]

General Conference official fired after mustard bottle found in desk

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A senior official has been fired from his post at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists after a bottle of mustard was discovered in his top desk drawer. Solo Read more […]

Kellogg’s donation makes Adventist college free

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — In a major philanthropic decision, American food manufacturing company Kellogg’s has announced plans to honor the Adventist heritage of the company. The company will donate Read more […]

SLIDE SHOW: How to show off Adventist-style

We know you are modest at heart. But sometimes it can be useful to spark up a humdrum church lobby exchange with some seriously impressive Adventist street cred. How? Let us be your guide. SPONSORED Read more […]

Chuck Norris converts to Adventism, turns world vegetarian

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Mere days after famed martial arts action movie star Chuck Norris announced his conversion to Seventh-day Adventism, vegetarianism has spread like wildfire as the diet of Read more […]

General Conference bans Stripples for having the appearance of bacon

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has banned Adventist consumption of the popular vegetarian bacon substitute, Stripples. The Worthington product was disallowed Read more […]