Members Plead for Ceasefire Between Adventism’s Liberal and Conservative Theologians

ADVENTIST WORLD – A growing chorus of regular members has issued a desperate plea for peace between the Adventist denomination’s warring theological factions. “Listen, we appreciate all the passionate Read more […]

Sock Fashion Dos and Don’ts for Communion Sabbath

Adventist communion attire is pretty straightforward. Skirts hit the knee, shirts hide the shoulders, all very respectful. But there’s one often-overlooked landmine lurking beneath the pews: socks. Read more […]

Adventist Dating Site Hacked – User Profiles Now Include ‘Second Coming Compatibility Scores’

The popular Adventist dating app “HeavenlyMatch.com” has fallen victim to a cyberattack, resulting in the exposure of sensitive user information.  The breach, discovered last week, has left Read more […]

7 Reasons Why Jesus Wouldn’t Recognize Modern Evangelicalism

Seven reasons why Jesus would flip the tables if he walked into a modern megachurch. Ditch the Bling: Jesus wasn’t hawking prosperity gospel from a private jet. He hung out with the poor Read more […]

Deceased Adventist Couple, COSTCO Members, Leave Huge Quantities of Supplies to Church

When Wilbur and Agnes Stillbody passed away within a month of one another leaving their entire estate to the church, the conference trusts and wills director was surprised to discover that a large Read more […]

Should You Invite People to Sabbath Lunch if You Haven’t Cleaned?

Let’s face it, sometimes cleaning for before Friday sunset falls by the wayside. Here’s a cheat sheet to navigate the social minefield of inviting someone over when your place resembles a post-apocalyptic Read more […]

Loma Linda Centenarian on Fourth Husband Worried About Meeting All Her Spouses in Heaven

At 103 years young, Edith Jenkins was a walking, talking testament to Adventist longevity. A card-carrying Blue Zoner, she had lived Loma Linda life to the full. Lounging in her beloved rocking Read more […]

Congregation Perks Up As Soon as Pastor Sheds Weekly Sermon Tears

Pastor Terry Aise, a man whose booming voice could rival a foghorn on a foggy day, roared into his third point. Flowing River SDA vibrated with the usual Sabbath symphony: creaking fans, the rhythmic Read more […]

Tourist Adventist Crushed When Asked to Preach Upon Arrival at Church

Bernard “Bernie” Bernacki, a man who meticulously planned his vacations down to the brand of non-dairy yogurt he’d pack, was starting to sweat through the one dress shirt he had bothered to pack.  Read more […]

Keto Enthusiast Shuns Communion, Citing Carb Concerns

Avid keto enthusiast and devout Adventist, Doug Atkins, took a pass on communion last Sabbath, citing his commitment to the low-carb lifestyle. “I just couldn’t do it,” confessed Atkins, a Read more […]