‘Crazy Rich Asians’ Sequel Set on Luxurious Campus of the SDA Southern Asia-Pacific Division

CAVITE, Philippines — As the long-awaited romantic comedy, Crazy Rich Asians, wows audiences around the world with its stunning portrayal of Singapore’s hot spots, studio executives have already Read more […]

Trump selects Pathfinder uniforms for Space Force

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After much deliberation, President Donald Trump has selected Pathfinder uniforms as the official personnel dress code for the space force he is seeking to launch. The Pathfinder Read more […]

Church Board member miraculously transforms molehills into towering mountains

WATFORD, England — Stanborough Seventh-day Adventist Church Board member, Max Forvirring, has spent the last year or so, stunning his fellow church members with his truly miraculous ability Read more […]

Global “Pray for Hotter Single Men at Church Sabbath” Launched

ADVENTIST WORLD — Next Saturday has been designated Global Pray for Hotter Single Men at Church Sabbath.  The  special designation comes after decades of complaints that single men at church Read more […]

Is paying for something OK on Sabbath if you call it a donation? Adventists speak up.

  Is paying for something OK on Sabbath if you call it a donation? Some Adventists speak up: Spencer Spendthrift, ABC Store Personal Shopper “It all depends. If a legit Adventist Read more […]

Desmond Doss-inspired Halo video game spin-off features unarmed medic saving wounded soldiers

BREAKING NEWS REDMOND, Wash.—Xbox has announced plans to release Desmond, a video game inspired by World War II medic Desmond Doss. The Adventist conscientious objector saved dozens of Read more […]

Netflix introduces Sabbath filter

LOS GATOS, Calif. — Online streaming giant Netflix has announced plans to create a “Sabbath” filter that saves Adventists the agonizing work of scrolling through huge swathes of entirely unSabbathy Read more […]

Adventist liberal passionate about open-mindedness as long as it doesn’t challenge his opinions

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventist Liberal Max Chellin has spent much of today in full-on productivity mode, mouthing off in all caps online about the extreme narrow-mindedness of conservatives Read more […]

Newly-approved compliance document forces all Adventists to follow same recipe for potluck lasagna

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Church’s General Conference Administrative Committee voted on Tuesday, July 17, a potluck veggie lasagna recipe document recommended by the Read more […]