“Persecuted” Adventist really just a jerk
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Although Bo Ludo has, for years, complained that he is being persecuted for his Adventist faith, a source with (painful) knowledge of his overall situation has confirmed Read more […]
La Sierra offers Degree in Wakandan Language Studies
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — The World Languages Department at La Sierra University has officially added Wakandan Language Studies as a major. As the Wakandan language used in the blockbuster Black Read more […]
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Union College recruiting students with mustard seed faith in bid to get mountains on prairie
LINCOLN, Neb.— Union College is hard at work recruiting students with the faith of a mustard seed. The Adventist school is offering full-ride scholarships to qualifying students in the hope that Read more […]
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Siri converts to Adventism
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple’s virtual assistant, Siri, converted to Adventism today. The friendly AI helper immediately started witnessing with a series of quotes and texts sent via push notification Read more […]
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Trump slaps 28% tax on sales of carob
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump has announced a new 28% tax on all sales of carob. “There is no way we can make America great again if we have that terrible, FAKE chocolate killing our taste Read more […]
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False prophets predicting Oscar winners
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church has sent out a special warning to its membership about false prophets that are predicting Oscar winners this year. “There Read more […]
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GC refuses to own shares in Coca Cola but has investments in Weapons Industry #wishitweresatire
Today we are running a story we wish were satire: SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Norwegian Union of the Adventist Church has appealed to the General Conference to withdraw it’s investments in weapons Read more […]
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Anti-The One Project activists launch The 28 Project
Adventist World — Right on the heels of the final gathering of The One Project, a group of activists that opposed the movement have launched The 28 Project. Blasting The One Project’s theme Read more […]
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Adventist leaders pledge to grow out their eyebrows in remembrance of Billy Graham
Adventist World — In honor of Billy Graham’s passing, General Conference officials have modified a contest among world leaders of the Adventist denomination. The leaders were originally racing Read more […]
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Californian Adventist Googles “What is the Second Coming?”
BURBANK, Calif. — A lifelong 30-something Southern Californian Adventist Googled “What is the Second Coming?” this morning and was absolutely astounded by his search results. “This Read more […]
