GC Clown Ministries shut down to avoid appearance of evil

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Several decades of active clown ministry at the General Conference ground to a somber halt today. Ronald Donald, spokesperson for the GC Clown Outreach Department, said Read more […]

Carson declines Trump’s Ambassador to the Vatican job offer

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former neurosurgeon and one-time Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson has turned down a job offer from US President-Elect Donald Trump. Carson said despite his Read more […]

Loma Linda dental hygiene loses accreditation after student graduates single

Loma Linda, Calif. — A devastating blow was dealt to the Loma Linda School of Dentistry’s Dental Hygiene program today as it was stripped of its accreditation. The popular program lost its Read more […]

Adventists reminded not to prepare burnt offerings for Sabbath potluck

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Leading Adventist nutritionists are reminding Adventists that burnt offerings are “no longer a thing” and should not make appearances at Sabbath potlucks. “Do not try Read more […]

Number of Adventists in Canada triples after US election

OSHAWA, Ontario — The headquarters of the Adventist Church in Canada is reporting tremendous growth this week. In a mere 48 hours, church officials said that the number of Adventists in the Read more […]

GC Executive Committee adds itself to US presidential ballot

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an eleventh-hour move that has racked up an astronomical printing bill, the General Conference Executive Committee of the Adventist Church has added itself to the 2016 Read more […]

Adventist fellowship halls screen Hacksaw Ridge to keep members from theaters

UNITED STATES — As war epic Hacksaw Ridge opens in theaters, the Seventh-day Adventist Church has obtained screening rights to show the film in church fellowship halls. The Mel Gibson-directed Read more […]

Wilson and Jackson declare ceasefire, go see Hacksaw Ridge together

SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference President Ted Wilson and North American Division President Dan Jackson have taken a 24-hour break from the daily tug-of-war in their shared Silver Spring Read more […]