Turkeys of America urge nation to consider the Adventist health message

USA – Turkeys all over the United States have chosen this Thanksgiving to campaign for what they call the “life or death matter” of the Seventh-day Adventist health message. “We cannot stress Read more […]

Adventist evangelist resorts to drive-by baptisms

SEATTLE, Wash. — Adventist evangelist Duncan Good has reported a record number of baptisms this year. He credits uncoventional, out-of-the-box thinking and an abundance of roadside puddles Read more […]

In dramatic U-turn Carson accepts role as US Secretary of Energy

New York, N.Y. — Adventist former GOP candidate for president Ben Carson has accepted a position in President-Elect Donald Trump’s administration. The former neurosurgeon was confirmed as the Read more […]

Adventist Church bans organs for scaring little children

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a controversial ruling that sent shockwaves throughout the denomination, Adventist leaders decided to remove all organs from Adventist churches because of their tendency Read more […]

GC Clown Ministries shut down to avoid appearance of evil

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Several decades of active clown ministry at the General Conference ground to a somber halt today. Ronald Donald, spokesperson for the GC Clown Outreach Department, said Read more […]

Carson declines Trump’s Ambassador to the Vatican job offer

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former neurosurgeon and one-time Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson has turned down a job offer from US President-Elect Donald Trump. Carson said despite his Read more […]

Loma Linda dental hygiene loses accreditation after student graduates single

Loma Linda, Calif. — A devastating blow was dealt to the Loma Linda School of Dentistry’s Dental Hygiene program today as it was stripped of its accreditation. The popular program lost its Read more […]

Adventists reminded not to prepare burnt offerings for Sabbath potluck

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Leading Adventist nutritionists are reminding Adventists that burnt offerings are “no longer a thing” and should not make appearances at Sabbath potlucks. “Do not try Read more […]

Number of Adventists in Canada triples after US election

OSHAWA, Ontario — The headquarters of the Adventist Church in Canada is reporting tremendous growth this week. In a mere 48 hours, church officials said that the number of Adventists in the Read more […]