CRANKY CORNER, Mont. — Senior Pastor Fred Uhp of Mockingjay Lane Seventh-day Adventist Church has begun to openly complain to his staff about the lack of dangerous wildlife surrounding the church premises.
Although Uhp’s church is situated deep in Montanta bear country, the despairing pastor has scoured local papers for bear sightings to absolutely no avail. “Where’s a pack of carnivores when you need them?” he has audibly grumbled, scanning the church parking lot hopefully after recent services.
Uhp is also said to have dedicated hours of study to the life of the prophet Elisha lately. Despite his reading he says he is at a loss to explain why, after he has “clearly fulfilled all the physical requirements,” a pack of grizzlies hasn’t attacked back pew members of his church that have cracked one too many jokes about his sermons.
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