Batchelor to defend Best Adventist Back Handspring title at Union College Acrofest

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Doug Batchelor performing a back handspring on live TV…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Unquestionably one of the fittest Seventh-day Adventist evangelists, Doug Batchelor will travel this week to Union College in Lincoln, Neb. to compete in of one the denomination’s most grueling physical showdowns, Acrofest. The event will draw over 600 participants from high schools and colleges from across the country for a multi-day gymnastics training and exhibition event.

Batchelor is taking time out of his busy speaking schedule to defend his long-held Best Adventist Back Handspring title at the event. He will perform a series of stretches, back handsprings and a short health lecture at the Acrofest grand finale on Saturday night, November 14 at Lincoln’s Lied Center.

Adventist gymnastics fans have for decades been impressed with Batchelor’s dexterity and unparalleled athletic ability. Despite aggressive challenges from Adventists celebrities ranging from Dwight Nelson, to Mark Finley to assorted members of the Kings Heralds, absolutely nobody has been able to touch his professional caliber of back handspring.

Union College Acrofest spokesperson Khorn Feeld said that the question on everyone’s minds is whether Batchelor still has what it takes to keep his title at the age of 58.

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see. He’s got some serious competition this year, especially from a few of our female gymnasts,” said Feeld.



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  1. Richard Mills

    Those future EMT’s at Union need to be present to render First Aid to Batchelor, et. al.
    I know an insurance carrier that may be of service to Batchelor. This should be on “America’ Funniest Video” or some such realty show. Good for ratings. Good for sponsors.Good PR for SDA church! Will it be shown on 3ABN or HOPE TV?? Can’t wait to see it!!

        1. Colonel "Bernie" Sanders

          No, Ray! Don’t revive the fight that has claimed so many of our best and brightest! Besides, we all know the question is irrelevant: none of God’s angels would dance! The real question is, how many could march on the head of a pin?

          1. Simple Simon

            Bernie I am shocked. You of all people should know that angels dance, its just that boy angels dance with boy angels, and girl angels with … you know… girl angels. Its in the torah. somewhere.

  2. Ray Kraft

    Once he wins the Back Handspring Challenge, we need to see him perform in the Theological Mental Gymnastics Show, get it rescheduled. See what kind of back theology handsprings he can do there.

    The subject for this year will be “Did Jesus teach a Social Gospel, also known, among some, as Socialism?”

    As we all know, in Luke 18 Jesus told the Rich Young Ruler to “sell what you have and giver to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.” And when the Rich Young Ruler went away sorrowing, for he was very in love with his money, Jesus said to his disciples, “He has his reward already.”

    Then in Matthew 25 Jesus said to his disciples, “The King will say, Feed the hungry. Care for the sick. Comfort the prisoners. Shelter the homeless. Whatever you do for them, you do for me.”

    The next question will be, does Dr. Ben Carson, or Bernie Ward, better represent the Social Gospel of Jesus?

  3. Richard Mills

    Perhaps Batchelor can join the 4 Horsemen of Revelation and be # 5. Guess what animal he could ride upon? Can we revive the Benny Hinn or is it Benny Hill Show. I need a good laugh right now. Woe is me!!

    1. Jeb Butch

      I wish the liberal left-wing conspiracy would write something about me. It’s great free publicity. Ben Carcinogen hardly has to pay for advertising anymore; the liberal media is getting his name out there for free!

    2. Hilarious Clinton

      Now Gentle Ben is getting a taste of what I’ve faced from the vast right-wing conspiracy accusing me of indiscretions with e-mail and Benghazi; and what Bill faced from the vast right-wing conspiracy when he said “I did not have relations with that woman!”

  4. Mark O'Ruby-o

    I don’t have much sympathy for Ben when I’m facing the same kind of unfair scrutiny over my credit card bills. Don’t the liberal media have anything better to do, such as twiddling their thumbs?

    1. Kris Kristy

      Wait, you stole my line. I’m the one who said that, about the unfair attacks over the lane-blocking scandal on the bridge. The liberal media needs to stop vilifying conservative politicians for the bad things they do.

      1. Ben Carcinogen

        Try saying something really controversial, naive, or off-the-wall, and you’ll get a bunch of free publicity! Write a book with a few questionable or fuzzy details, and your campaign will get tons of attention!

        1. Ben Carsinogen

          Also try some rambling, non-sequitur “answers” to debate questions. The more you veer off from the question, and the more your “answer” resembles a confused bunch of garbledy-gook, the more free publicity you will get on Twitter that night, and the more free (but not flattering) attention you will get from news outlets the next day. . . .

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