GC Issues Rare Male Modesty Guidelines For Lederhosen-Loving Germans

SILVER SPRING, Md. — German Adventist men have received personalized letters from the General Conference imploring them to wear lederhosen that, at the very least, reach their knees. The Read more […]

Compliant Line of Pantyhose Launched by GC

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Shortly after the General Conference of 2010 in Atlanta GA., then newly elected GC President, Ted Wilson, sent a memo to every female employee of the General Conference. Read more […]

Wilson announces he is “done with neckties”

KATHMANDU, Nepal — Dressed head to toe in traditional Nepali fashion, General Conference President Ted Wilson announced today that he was “done with neckties.” Speaking live from Kathmandu, Read more […]

Adventist Church mandates holiday dress code for members’ pets

SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first time ever, the Adventist Church has established modesty standards for the holiday attire of pets belonging to members. “We know that our members like to Read more […]

Tim Gunn hired to improve Adventist Sabbath morning fashion

ADVENTIST WORLD — American fashion consultant Tim Gunn, of Project Runway fame, has been hired by the Adventist Church in a bid to improve the fashion choices of its members on Sabbath morning. Gunn Read more […]

Adventists wearing jeans to church punished with parking supervision duty

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Wearing jeans to church now comes with serious consequences. As of this Sabbath, denim wearers will automatically be handed reflective vests and sent into the church Read more […]

Adventist Church introduces preferred seating for anyone wearing a tie

BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a move aimed at encouraging “appropriate Adventist attire,” the Adventist Church has introduced a preferred seating policy to reward anyone wearing a Read more […]

Scottish Adventist banned from Michigan Conference for “cross-dressing”

UPTITE, Mich. — A Scottish Adventist visiting Michigan for the first time was chased out of Uptite Lane Adventist Church for what stone-faced deacons called “shameless cross-dressing.” Alastair Read more […]