‘Friend an Adventist’ runaway bestseller in Catholic bookstores

Friend an Adventist, a new guide to Seventh-day Adventists for Catholics, has debuted on the bestseller list of Catholic bookstores worldwide. The guide, which is aimed at promoting friendlier Read more […]

Majority of members claim Adventism is too expensive

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — According to an international survey of 10,000 Adventists conducted by the Andrews University Center for Statistical Analysis, 76% of Seventh-day Adventists feel Read more […]

Coffee maker scandal rocks General Conference building

SILVER SPRING, Md. — One of the biggest scandals in recent Adventist history erupted this morning when a coffee maker was discovered on the third floor of the General Conference building. The Read more […]

Walla Walla puts Oakwood students in promotional brochure

COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — A promotional pamphlet recently published by Walla Walla University has caused a row between the school and Oakwood University in Huntsville, Ala. According to Read more […]

Locals beg church construction missionaries to stay home

Locals at Maranatha construction sites worldwide have launched a global We Got This Campaign, urging missionaries to stay home. The surprising action comes on the heels of a report of Maranatha Read more […]

Electronic scoreboard to track giving in Adventist churches

Adventist churchgoers will notice something different in church this Sabbath. All church sanctuaries will feature an electronic scoreboard to the left of the pulpit. The scoreboard will Read more […]

All Adventist pastors’ wives to be compensated for pain and suffering

  SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist pastors’ wives around the world are celebrating a groundbreaking victory with the announcement that they will be added to the official church payroll.  Read more […]

Southern California Conference to build angel-friendly movie theater

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — In a bid to counter what the it calls the “superficial filth machine” that is Hollywood, the Southern California Conference (SCC) has opened the first “angel-friendly” Read more […]

Walla Walla University to offer arranged marriages to all single students

COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — “After years of intense competition, Walla Walla has dealt Southern a death blow,” read an internal Walla Walla University administration memo that was leaked this morning. For Read more […]

29th Fundamental: Vegetarianism no longer optional

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Meat-eating Seventh-day Adventists may soon be a thing of the past. In what analysts describe as a tightening of religious identity, the Adventist Church is contemplating Read more […]