Zoom Bans Adventist Committee Meetings For Taking Too Long

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Video conferencing giant Zoom has notified Adventist congregations and institutions that they will no longer be able to use their accounts for committee meetings due to their Read more […]

SDA Commentary On Veggie Tales Now Available

  SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary series has now been extended to cover the complete Veggie Tales animated series.  Apologizing that it has taken Read more […]

Adventist Oscars To Celebrate Best Sermon PowerPoint Slides

SILVER SPRING, Md. – The General Conference Department of Compliant Creativity has announced the first ever Adventist Oscars ceremony.  “Rather than celebrate anything cinematic, we will Read more […]

Modesty Campaigner Asks Wife To Cover Up More In Bedroom

Local Adventist modesty campaigner Matt Streihtlase didn’t anticipate the reaction he got from his wife this afternoon. All he did was bring up her choice of bedroom attire. Streihtlase told his Read more […]

Pastors’ Wives Win Back Pay For Years Of Unpaid Labor

FINALLY: The US Supreme Court has ruled to award Adventist pastors’ wives backpay for all the unpaid work they have done simply because of their marriage to a pastor. In the ruling, the justices Read more […]

Dwight Nelson Enforcing PMC Social Distancing With Lightsaber

Berrien Springs, Mich. – Pioneer Memorial Church Senior Pastor and acclaimed swordsman Dwight Nelson has laid down the law for his congregation: Anyone that ignores PMC social distancing protocol Read more […]

Altar Call Length Doubled To Make Up For Time Lost During COVID

SILVER SPRING, Md. – The General Conference Office of Quality Assurance has announced that, as churches start to open up for in-person services, altar call will need to be twice as long. “COVID Read more […]

Peloton App Releases Pathfinder Fancy Drill Workout

New York, N. Y. – Fitness giant Peloton has expanded its home exercise offerings to include what it calls its “fanciest workout yet.” The Pathfinder fancy drill routines are taught by Read more […]

Boris Johnson Commits To Taking Christian Grooming And Manners Pathfinder Honor

LONDON, UK – In response to political pressure to sort out his hair, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has committed to taking radical action in 2021. Standing at a podium, with hair completely Read more […]