GC organizes Wakanda Union Conference after ‘Black Panther’ screening

SILVER SPRING, Md. — GC administrators have organized the Wakanda Union Conference in a record-breaking 24-hour flurry of bureaucratic activity. The decision to create the new union happened Read more […]

Adventist boasts amazing ability to make any board game Sabbath-appropriate

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Setlar Catan, a self-described Adventist “board game fanatic” has quickly become an Adventist celebrity after claiming that he knows how to make absolutely any board game Read more […]

Southern’s Religion faculty busted for watching Star Wars in theater

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Faculty members of Southern Adventist University’s School of Religion are facing formal disciplinary action after being caught watching Star Wars: The Last Jedi en masse Read more […]

‘The Lion King’ approved as Sabbath movie “because it has animals”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Disney’s The Lion King has been approved by the Adventist Church as an approved “Sabbath movie.” This means that Adventists will be free to watch the animated classic Read more […]

Oakwood’s Aeolians to feature as “the competition” in Pitch Perfect 3

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — The award-winning Aeolians of Oakwood University will feature on the big screen in upcoming acapella movie Pitch Perfect 3. The film’s casting directors pitched the Aeolians Read more […]

The Real Audiovisual Guys of Campmeeting coming to 3ABN this fall!

WEST FRANKFORT, Ill.- 3ABN is introducing a new 12 episode reality series this fall, The Real Audiovisual Guys of Campmeeting. The network has confirmed that the series began filming in early Read more […]

3ABN to feature on Fox News after Bill O’Reilly departure

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Fox News has been on the hunt for new programming following the departure of its most famous anchor, Bill O’Reilly. Although Fox host Tucker Carlson will be taking O’Reilly’s Read more […]

Official Ellen White book color switched from red to green on St. Patrick’s Day

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Ellen G. White Estate has changed the officially sanctioned color of Ellen White book covers from red to green in honor of St. Patrick’s Day. In a statement explaining Read more […]

Lane converts Rory to Adventism in next Gilmore Girls reboot

STARS HOLLOW, Conn. — It looks like Gilmore Girls character Lane Kim’s super strict Adventist upbringing is kicking in after all. After this year’s successful reboot of the show in Gilmore Read more […]

GC Clown Ministries shut down to avoid appearance of evil

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Several decades of active clown ministry at the General Conference ground to a somber halt today. Ronald Donald, spokesperson for the GC Clown Outreach Department, said Read more […]