Churches to Officially Rank Potluck Dishes Each Sabbath

ADVENTIST WORLD — Potluck dishes at Adventist churches will be officially ranked as of this Sabbath. A church board subcommittee at each congregation will be assigned to pre-taste each dish Read more […]

Mueller Investigation Finds Mustard Stash in GC Basement

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In what has universally been acknowledged as the biggest bust of the operation so far, the Mueller Investigation has discovered what it calls a “robust stash of grade A Read more […]

7 Up Named “Most Adventist Soda”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first in its history, the Adventist Church has endorsed a soda. Today, the denomination named 7 Up as the “Most Seventh-day Adventist Soda,” citing not just its Read more […]

Newly-approved compliance document forces all Adventists to follow same recipe for potluck lasagna

SILVER SPRING, Md. —Ā The Seventh-day Adventist Churchā€™s General Conference Administrative Committee voted on Tuesday, July 17, a potluck veggie lasagna recipe document recommended by the Read more […]

Adventists urged to avoid unequally yoked omelets

ADVENTIST WORLD — Leaders of the Adventist Church are warning members of the perils of eating unequally yoked omelets. “Unequally yoked omelets may look fluffy and delicious at first glance Read more […]

Report: Adventists “living proof” vegetarians can get fat

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Anyone curious as to whether vegetarians can pile on the pounds over the holidays need look no further than the average Adventist congregation say researchers at Loma Linda Read more […]

Adventists forced to sign 14-page compliance document professing love for carob

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventists everywhere have been given 24 hours to sign a 14-page document professing agape love for carob. The document is full of confusing legalese promising “serious Read more […]

American Adventists CRUSH Guinness World Record for veggie burgers grilled

SILVER SPRING, Md. — American Adventists have broken the Guinness World Record for veggie burgers grilled and consumed in a day. Real time data on Adventist veggie burger consumption is being Read more […]