17 awesomely Adventist substitutes

Adventists have a long list of occasionally delicious and frequently confusing substitutes for food, drink and other facets of mainstream life. Here’s our stab at a cheat sheet to the main culprits: 1) Read more […]

Study: Carob eaters face a long, cruel existence

Life without chocolate is nasty, brutish and long… LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers behind a 30-year study tracking the health of self-confessed carob eaters report that consumption of Read more […]

Adventist vegans to be cast in Hunger Games

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Lionsgate film execs for the popular ‘Hunger Games’ series have revealed that dozens of vegan Adventists have been cast as extras for emaciated crowd scenes in the Read more […]

Ted Wilson to pardon Tofurky for Thanksgiving

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Preparations are being made for the debut of what church officials predict will be a huge annual hit: The General Conference President pardoning Tofurky just inside the Read more […]

Slide Show: 12 meat substitutes favored by Adventists

If there’s one thing Adventists are fond of, it’s their veggie meat. And why not? Adventists were pioneers in the field of meat alternatives (aka “meat analogues.” Blech. Good thing they stuck with the other title.) Plus, though the meat is faux, the enjoyment is real. Let’s be honest: Veggie meat tastes nothing like their meat counterparts. But they still taste pretty good, especially the ones that substitute for the unclean meats. Mmmmm, clean-unclean (non)meat.

Loma Linda centenarian hired by local police department

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Edith Greenley, the 110-year-old Adventist Loma Linda resident who shot to international fame earlier this year for sending a would-be mugger to the hospital, has been hired Read more […]

Controversial pictures of GC Health Ministries employees at Cheesecake Factory leaked

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “This morning gratuitous pictures surfaced online of vegan Health Ministries Department employees consuming unconscionable quantities of dessert at the Baltimore Cheesecake Read more […]

Slide Show: How to make a Haystack

Ah, haystacks: Beloved dish of NAD Adventists, bafflement to Adventists elsewhere and taco salad to everyone else. Haystacks are typically made with corn chips, protein (usually beans) and assorted vegetables and sauces. The possible combinations are truly mind-boggling and endless. Therefore we humbly present our method to creating this delectable layered feast (and by “humbly present” we mean: Do it this way or else.) So let’s make hay(stacks) while the sun shines!

50% Adventist discount off Stripples in participating stores this week

Good news for Adventists that enjoy Stripples with their morning eggs/soy products: Major supermarkets nationwide are giving a 50% discount on the product to any and every proven Adventist Read more […]

Philippines #1 at Adventist Potluck Olympics

This tasty Filipino appetizer immediately biased the judges… GLENDALE, Calif. — The first-ever Adventist Potluck Olympics were held today at the Glendale, Calif. Hilton to decide the hotly Read more […]