Adventist Church to require auditions before authorizing special music performances

ADVENTIST WORLD — Anyone wishing to provide special music at an Adventist church will need to be approved by a special auditioning process. Church leaders said that auditions can happen no Read more […]

Raising hands in worship identified as Adventist unpardonable sin

ADVENTIST WORLD — Raising hands in worship has always been taboo in Adventist circles. The practice has now been elevated to the unenviable status of “Adventist unpardonable sin” by theologians Read more […]

Adventist Church commissions Lin-Manuel Miranda to compose new English Hymnal

SILVER SPRING, Md.— In a move that has sent shockwaves of enthusiasm across the world, the Seventh-day Adventist Church has announced its decision to commission Pulitzer, Emmy, Tony, and Grammy Read more […]

Simon Cowell to judge Adventist Special Music performances

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — In a surprise development today, Simon Cowell signed a contract to judge special music performances at Adventist churches. Cowell who is known for his scathing critiques Read more […]

Report: Adventists can’t hold hands in circle without singing “Side by Side”

ANN ARBOR, Mich. — In the largest study of its kind ever conducted, researchers have determined that Adventists find it absolutely impossible to hold hands in a circle without singing the chorus Read more […]

Adventist Church bans organs for scaring little children

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a controversial ruling that sent shockwaves throughout the denomination, Adventist leaders decided to remove all organs from Adventist churches because of their tendency Read more […]

Del Delker and Dolly Parton to collaborate on gospel classics album

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — One of the undisputed legends of Adventist singing will join forces with one of the greatest popular singers in American history to release an album of gospel classics. Del Read more […]

Adventist Church removes “ultra-violent” Onward Christian Soldiers from hymn book

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have admitted that, given substantially heightened tensions around religiously-motivated violence, there is no place for the Read more […]