SILVER SPRING, Md. — Third floor General Conference offices are abuzz with activity this December as administrators sort the names of union presidents from around the world into “naughty” or Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a bid to ensure unity within the Church worldwide, the General Conference has declared Adventist Martial Law. “As of this moment all of Adventism will resemble the Read more […]
BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church is beefing up security with dedicated Illuminati detectors. Effective immediately, anyone entering Read more […]
ROME, Italy — An Adventist writer has been honored at the annual Paranoid Fiction Awards ceremony. Trei Angel, a third generation Adventist with a sharp eye and an ability to “read the Illuminati’s Read more […]
BURBANK, Calif. — There’s a fresh job vacancy at North Burbank Seventh-day Adventist Church after avid Star Wars fanboy and former Senior Pastor Laffa Mignit ended this weekend’s Sabbath benediction Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist Risk Management has launched a major advertising campaign to drive sales of what a press release calls “Home Alone-style booby traps to enhance the safety of Adventists Read more […]
BITTERROOT MOUNTAINS, Mont. — A band of Adventists that fled to the Bitterroots range of the Rockies with a giant haul of FriChik has, upon arrival, learned that they forgot to bring a can opener. Read more […]
Berrien Springs, Mich. — Mere weeks after the construction of a “golden” calf statue outside the offices of the Andrews University dairy, the department has received orders to destroy Read more […]
Red Bluff, Calif. — A wave of confusion and finger-pointing has hit the congregation of Central Adventist Church. Members in the know say it all started when traveling evangelist Fred Durbar Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — “Enough is enough,” said General Conference Director of Communications Jan Cunningham. “Never in the history of our church have there been as many conspiracy theories Read more […]
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