Worst Adventist Committees
We Adventists are big on our committees and spend a disproportionate amount of our time on them. Here are some of the ones to avoid if you can: Church Board Many an agonizing, unproductive Read more […]
Category: Church Politics
Republican Adventists Declare Second Great Disappointment
RED AMERICA – After a longed for mid-term red wave failed to materialize, Republican Adventists have likened the letdown to a “Second Great Disappointment.” “This red ripple is not at all the Read more […]
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7 People to Avoid in Your Church Lobby
Church lobbies can be perilous places if you walk into them without a solid game plan. BarelyAdventist has compiled the following definitive list of people you merely murmur “Happy Sabbath” to while Read more […]
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Adventist Committee Sets Guinness World Record For Longest Meeting
Chatty, Mich. — Longwind SDA has at least one thing to celebrate despite the COVID craziness that has defined the last several months. The Guinness World Record organization notified the Read more […]
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Church Board member miraculously transforms molehills into towering mountains
WATFORD, England — Stanborough Seventh-day Adventist Church Board member, Max Forvirring, has spent the last year or so, stunning his fellow church members with his truly miraculous ability Read more […]
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Environmental Protection Agency warns of “dangerously high judginess levels” at your local church
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an emergency announcement, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) is warning the nation of impending disaster after “dangerously high judginess levels” were detected Read more […]
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Demoted church administrator devastated to be winning souls as local pastor
BORING, N.D. — After losing a close re-election bid for his position as conference executive secretary, Zac Cloth has spent the last several months mourning his new role as a local church pastor. For Read more […]
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Seating charts made official at Adventist Churches
ADVENTIST WORLD — For the first time in Adventist history, churches will feature official seating charts. Each member will have an assigned seat and visitors will be seated at the very front Read more […]
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Serious. For reals.
Hi BarelyAdventist Readers, BarelyAdventist usually sticks to satire and humor in these posts but both have been dispensed with this time. Again: THIS IS NOT SATIRE. Some of you probably Read more […]
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US Congress studies Adventist governance to learn how to move slower
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A team of US congressional aides have been assigned the task of studying all levels of Adventist governance. The goal is to discover ways to help lawmakers in Congress Read more […]
