Adventist keeps church hopping to retain visitor status at potluck

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A lifelong Adventist who moved to Berrien Springs years ago has refused to transfer his membership to a local church. Instead, Jack Jumpur has opted to church hop Read more […]

Adventist Church builds database of people not contributing to potluck

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A database has been created to track Cheapventists (Adventists known at their local churches for attending potluck without contributing their own dishes.) Since word Read more […]

Gordon Ramsay signs up for ā€œHeavenā€™s Kitchenā€ Adventist potluck series

CULVER CITY, Calif. — Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay has decided to add a new show to his current filming schedule. The new series will be called Heaven’s Kitchen and will attempt to single out Read more […]

Adventists reminded not to prepare burnt offerings for Sabbath potluck

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Leading Adventist nutritionists are reminding Adventists that burnt offerings are “no longer a thing” and should not make appearances at Sabbath potlucks. “Do not try Read more […]

Pandemonium erupts as Adventist pastor announces potluck is canceled

MARIETTA, Ga. — A full scale riot erupted at Marietta Central Adventist Church following a last-minute announcement from Senior Pastor, Des Graciado, that potluck last Sabbath had been canceled. Reports Read more […]

Adventist disfellowshipped after Rice Krispies found in his Special K Loaf

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Lifelong Adventist and faithful potluck contributor Chip Skeete was disfellowshipped from Collegedale Church after church elders discovered Rice Krispies in the Special Read more […]

Adventist with zero spiritual gifts banished to potluck dishwashing duty

CHICO, Calif. — Sondage Mauvais of Chico Seventh-day Adventist Church was notified this week that due to the horrible scores on his spiritual gifts test, he has been assigned to doing the dishes Read more […]

Adventist Church launches new “Potluck Finder” App

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Church released a Potluck Finder app today, aimed at streamlining the church visitation experience. The app allows baptized Seventh-day Adventist Read more […]