The team that surveyed church members worldwide found that Adventists were “cursed with absolutely no sense of rhythm, and display a complete inability to pick up even the simplest of square dance steps no matter how many times they are demonstrated.”
The researchers found that when forced to move to music, Adventists looked more ridiculous the longer their family had been church members. “People that are third generation Adventists or worse are absolute lost causes,” said lead researcher Joe Nopuedo.
The study found that the only Adventists that could dance were adult converts to the faith. Even with this subsection of the membership, however, lack of practice meant that any remaining dance skills were disappearing faster than Special K Loaf at church potluck.