Local Adventist Congratulates Himself on Not Coveting His Neighbor’s Ox

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While exhibiting numerous other spiritual shortcomings on a daily basis, local Adventist Blake Hemsley reportedly patted himself on the back this week for successfully not coveting his neighbor Jeb Morrison’s ox.

“I may struggle in other areas, but I do not covet that ox of Jeb’s one bit,” said Hemsley, his eyes glazing over as he imagined attaining higher corporate ranks and greater financial wealth than his colleagues. “That’s one Commandment I’m totally nailing.”

According to sources, Hemsley has never felt even the slightest twinge of envy over Morrison’s 8-year-old Normande ox named Ferdinand, remaining utterly indifferent to the gentle beast’s existence at all times.

“Could not care less about that ox if I’m being honest,” he told reporters, before continuing to scroll through social media posts portraying the lavish lifestyles of internet celebrities.

At one point, Hemsley was overheard grumbling enviously after learning his neighbor had just upgraded to an Arnold Schwarzenegger Stu-Brah Home Gym System. However, when pressed on whether he actually desired the $12,000 home gym for himself, he shook his head adamantly.

“Nope, no coveting here whatsoever – just frustrated that the Lord hasn’t seen fit to bless me with such an earthly reward for my spiritual devo– I mean, for no reason in particular.”


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