LOMA LINDA, Calif. — An interdisciplinary team of researchers at Loma Linda University announced today that they have perfected a blood test that can tell, without a shadow of doubt, whether or not a couple is equally yoked.
The blood test not only determines the religious compatibility of potential partners but can automatically tell if other vital indicators are aligned.
“Just a few drops of blood from each party can show us if the two have compatible views on issues as vital as haystack composition and whether or not Doug Batchelor’s moustache suits him,” said project spokesperson Huevos Duros.
Test results can also show whether a couple has irreconcilable differences over the question of whether or not to clap in church.
Although the new blood test has generated a lot of interest between lovebirds in and around Loma Linda, some academics are critical of the results it generates when nursing and theology majors go to get tested together.
For some reason, the results always support a perfectly equal yoking.