Adventist Church reprimands Union College for slipping okra into haystacks

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church released a scathing rebuke of the denomination’s Nebraska-based Union College this morning. The criticism from the church’s General Read more […]

99% of those who know Adventists are “grateful they don’t dance”

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A Loma Linda University survey of 10,000 respondents who have Adventist friends has yielded insights into the perception of Adventists in their social circles. Although Read more […]

A third of Adventist pastors face termination for being too boring

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A leak from high-level personnel discussions at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists indicates that the denomination is on the verge of terminating the employment Read more […]

Batchelor to play Super Bowl halftime show

SANTA CLARA, Calif. — Adventist evangelist and Amazing Facts TV speaker Pastor Doug Batchelor is set to make history as the first Seventh-day Adventist ever to perform at a Super Bowl halftime Read more […]

Carlton Byrd to donate Armani bow tie endorsement cash to Oakwood

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Breath of Life Speaker/Director Dr. Carlton Byrd announced today that all funds from his newly inked bow tie endorsement deal with fashion house Giorgio Armani, would be donated Read more […]

Sabbath watches at average Adventist church contain “enough gold for calf statue”

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — New data from a survey of Adventist Sabbath-keeping habits has quantified the gold content of watches members wear to church every Sabbath. The Andrews University Read more […]

Adventist Church designates Welch’s as only acceptable communion juice

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an attempt to “streamline the practice of communion,” the General Conference headquarters of the Seventh-day Adventist Church has designated Welch’s grape juice as the Read more […]

Adventist archaeologists trace haystacks back to Garden of Eden

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A team of Seventh-day Adventist researchers from the church’s Geoscience Research Institute has discovered what they say is “conclusive evidence that Adam and Eve ate haystacks Read more […]

On eve of Iowa caucuses, Trump promises “YUGE” Sunday Law

IOWA CITY, Iowa — On the day before the Iowa caucuses, GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump is doing his best to appeal to voters who have been skeptical about his claims to be a Christian. Read more […]

Ben Carson wins Little Debbie’s presidential endorsement

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — While Seventh-day Adventist opinions on Adventist former neurosurgeon Ben Carson’s presidential candidacy have been all over the map, a large, Adventist-owned corporation Read more […]