Adventist Risk Management hawks Home Alone booby traps as Time of Trouble protection

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist Risk Management has launched a major advertising campaign to drive sales of what a press release calls “Home Alone-style booby traps to enhance the safety of Adventists Read more […]

“The Great Controversy” retitled “Star Wars” by Adventist Church

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a hasty rebranding move, Adventist church leaders have retitled Ellen White’s The Great Controversy as Star Wars. General Conference public relations director, Spihn Read more […]

Supreme Court to hear Adventist vs. Mormon dispute over “haystacks origins”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A growing legal dispute between the Seventh-day Adventist and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is headed for the US Supreme Court. At the heart of the battle Read more […]

Walla Walla students pray for Second Coming “before Finals Week”

College Place, Wash. — Hundreds of Walla Walla University students huddled together this morning to pray for what students leaders called a “pre-Finals Week Second Coming.” Winter Quarter Read more […]

Adventist pews rated least comfortable in Christendom

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a Pew Research Center survey of Christian attitudes toward the comfort level of their church pews, Seventh-day Adventists have given their pews the worst rating of any Read more […]

Adventist leaders bash Trump’s ‘Muslim ban,’ still cool with women’s ordination ban

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Leaders at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists were quick to condemn a call for a “total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the US” by billionaire US Read more […]

Adventists rush to erect pagan moments in church before Christmas

Adventist congregations across America are working flat out recruiting their best volunteers to erect huge monuments to paganism before the biggest deadline on the Christian calendar. Although Read more […]

General Conference before fundraising campaign: “Little Debbie Snacks are healthy”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Little Debbie snacks have been officially approved as a health food by the General Conference on the eve of a multi-year fundraising campaign for the denomination’s free Read more […]

Amy Schumer to present GYC keynote on women in leadership

LANSING, Mich. — Conference organizers have decided to invite more than the usual roster of suited aging males to present at the 2015 Louisville-based GYC (Generation of Youth for Christ) Conference. Read more […]

Adventists tell heartwarming tales of pilgrims sharing Tofurky at first Thanksgiving

Adventists across America are devouring lavish Thanksgiving dinners armed with tales of grateful pilgrims at the very first Thanksgiving, sharing delicious Tofurky roasts with one and all. “Having Read more […]