Jamaican Union Conference conducts mass kissing conference

MANDEVILLE, Jamaica — An excited crowd of 2000 Adventist Jamaicans were treated to ‘professional’ kissing lessons at a couples’ conference this past Saturday. The free kissing workshop Read more […]

3ABN to be nominated for Historical Drama Emmy

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — A leak from a source close to the 67th Emmy Award nominations process has revealed that an Adventist-related TV network will be nominated for the first time in history. Although Read more […]

16 ways to spread Adventist gossip

Although we fully count on some literalist or another reading this list as a ‘how to’ cataloging of one of the most frustrating parts of church life, how ’bout the rest of us start with admitting we’ve got a problem?

Now, for 16 ways to spread Adventist gossip…

Adventist Pastor dismissed after posting Sabbath chicken wings pic

  HOLLAND, Mich. — “It all happened so fast,” said former Oak Lane Associate Pastor, Charlie Nix. Last weekend, the relatively new arrival to Michigan Conference, posted a picture of Read more […]

Slide Show: 10 reasons to love an ABC store

Ahhh, there’s nothing quite like a well-stocked ABC! And we do mean an Adventist Book Center, and not those pretender-to-throne types found all over Hawaii.

PUC Housekeeping: Please flush, La Sierra needs the water

ANGWIN, Calif. — Tensions are at an all-time high between Northern California’s Pacific Union College and its sister institution to the south, La Sierra University. The firestarter for Read more […]

GC: Angels won’t go near Red Box vending machines

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventists have been warned that they will not be afforded the protection of guardian angels if they get within 10 feet of any Red Box vending machine. The warning comes Read more […]

Sour-grapes Seattle churches denounce competitive sports after Super Bowl

SEATTLE, Wash. — Senior Adventist pastors from across greater Seattle were called together for emergency meetings yesterday. One day after the Seattle Seahawks were defeated in the Super Read more […]

17 awesomely Adventist substitutes

Adventists have a long list of occasionally delicious and frequently confusing substitutes for food, drink and other facets of mainstream life. Here’s our stab at a cheat sheet to the main culprits: 1) Read more […]

NFL Commissioner Converts to Adventism, Super Bowl Champs to Receive Watches

GLENDALE, Ariz. — In a major shake-up for Superbowl Sunday, the NFL commissioner has just announced that the winning team’s players will be awarded watches this year instead of Super Bowl Read more […]