Summer Evangelism Series Rebranded as ‘Prophecy and Popsicles’ to Boost Attendance

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In an attempt to combat dwindling attendance at their annual summer evangelism series, the Cooler Springs Seventh-day Adventist Church has taken a bold new approach. This year’s series, traditionally titled “Unlocking Revelation’s Secrets,” has been rebranded as “Prophecy and Popsicles: A Chilling Look at the End Times.”

Pastor Frosty Breeze, known for his “cool” approach to theology, explained the decision: “We noticed that people were more interested in staying home with their air conditioners than coming to hear about the 2300 days. So we thought, why not bring the cool to them?”

The new format features nightly presentations on various prophetic topics, each paired with a thematically appropriate frozen treat. Attendees can look forward to such combinations as:

– “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” paired with a quartet of horse-shaped rainbow pops
– “The Mark of the Beast” accompanied by tiger tail ice cream bars
– “The New Jerusalem” served alongside crystal-clear, gold-flecked popsicles

Early results have been promising. Attendance has skyrocketed, with some attendees admitting they come more for the popsicles than the prophecy. “I’m not sure what the 1260 days represent,” said one participant, “but this Daniel-shaped blueberry pop is mind blowing!”

Not everyone is on board with the new approach. Elder Sticky Situation expressed concern: “I worry we’re watering down the message. Or should I say, freezing it down?”

Despite the criticism, Pastor Breeze remains optimistic. “If Jesus could use fish to feed the multitudes, why can’t we use popsicles to feed them the gospel?” he argued. “Besides, have you ever tried to argue about the state of the dead while enjoying a creamsicle? It’s impossible to get heated!”

The church is already planning next year’s series: “Sabbath and Sundaes: A Sweet Look at the Fourth Commandment.”


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