Theology Major Prays For Return Of Banquets

RIVERSIDE, Calif. – La Sierra University theology major, Joe Sayido, has spent much of the New Year in earnest prayer for a return to favorable pastor’s wife hunting conditions.

At the top of his list of things he wishes would hurry up and return are actual banquets.

As much as he has tried going on virtual Friday vespers dates, he is not sure the cute girl he kept private messaging during Zoom vespers last Friday actually understood she was on a date.

It would have helped if she had replied to at least one of his elaborate Bible and praying hands emoji’d messages.



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  1. Raymond Kraft

    After growing up Adventist, looking back, I realize that Seventh Day Adventism, all of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, is based on 3 delusions, for which there is no evidence.

    1. The Heaven Delusion. There is no evidence for the existence of heaven. No ground based telescope, radio telescope, or space based telescope, has ever discovered anything that might be heaven.

    2. The Hell Delusion. No geologist has ever discovered any evidence for the existence of hell somewhere underground or anywhere else.

    3. The Eternal Life Delusion.

    All the religions promise “Eternal Life<' but there is no evidence for the existence of eternal life, and the arithmetic for eternal life is absurd . . . if I have "eternal life" (live forever, never die!) I will live more years than the number of subatomic particles in the universe . . . to the infinite power . . .

    As the hymn says,

    "When we're been there
    ten trillion years
    bright shining as the sun
    we've no less days
    to sing God's praise
    than when we first begun . . ."

    Ten trillion years is about 700 times the estimated 14 billion year age of the universe we live in, the universe we see, about 2,000 times the estimated 5 billion year age of the earth, but, merely the first blink of an eye in eternity . . .

    Can you imagine living a thousand years? A million years? A billion years? A trillion years? – which is a thousand billion years? But in the big picture of eternal life, a trillion years is just the first nanosecond . . .

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