Turns out Shaking California Adventists Experienced Was Simply an Earthquake

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LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Local Adventist Joe Reverent was giving a stirring sermon on the imminent end times when the ground began to tremble. Congregants, already on edge from Joe’s vivid descriptions of persecution and satanic deception, assumed this was it—the Shaking had begun. Sister Betty White, known for her fervent adherence to Ellen G. White’s writings, immediately declared, “It’s happening! The tares are about to be sifted out!”

As the tremors intensified, Elder Smith pulled out his emergency FLEE NOW kit, complete with gluten-free wafers and a pre-packed bag of Great Controversy books. “We’ve been preparing for this moment for years!” he shouted, handing out copies to bewildered passersby.
However, the excitement took a turn when Brother Fred, the resident geology enthusiast, ran into the sanctuary, waving his seismograph app. “It’s an earthquake, people! Just a regular earthquake!”

A stunned silence fell over the congregation, punctuated only by the sound of Sister White reluctantly putting away her emergency prophecy charts. “Well, I guess this means we still have time to finish the potluck,” she sighed.
Pastor Joe, recovering from his initial zeal, tried to regain composure. “While today’s shaking was merely geological, let’s not forget that the true Shaking is still ahead. But for now, let’s enjoy Sister Betty’s casserole!”

The aftermath of the earthquake left the church with a few cracks in the wall and some key updates to training programs. Brother Fred now offers weekly “prophecy vs. geology” seminars, and Sister White has added earthquake preparedness to her end-time readiness workshops.


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