BALTIMORE, Md. — In an announcement that has surprised both supporters and critics, former-neurosurgeon-turned-political commentator Ben Carson has announced plans to run for mayor of Baltimore in 2016. Carson, who was widely expected to declare his candidacy for United States President, has said that “now, more than ever, Baltimore needs strong, common sense leadership.”
Carson, who has urged Baltimore parents to keep their kids from supporting rioting and looting currently taking place in the city, is a respected local voice having lived in Baltimore for more than 30 years.
Although he now lives about 20 minutes outside the city, Carson and a core base of supporters are confident that the technicality will not negate his eligibility as a mayoral candidate.
“We’ve got bigger fish to fry in this community,” said Carson mayoral campaign manager, Michael Faye. “Dr. Carson knows Baltimore like the back of his gifted hand; no one should be quibbling about the fact that he lives a little outside town.”
“Many have pointed to Dr. Carson’s lack of political experience as a reason he shouldn’t be in the White House,” said political journalist Mary Johnson. “If he can show he’s got what it takes to be a strong leader in Baltimore, a lot more people will support a Carson run for President. This is a savvy move.”
This was clever: “Dr. Carson knows Baltimore like the back of his gifted hand.”
Disclaimer at the top of every page: “Adventist satire and humor.”
On the “About” page: “BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog on Adventist culture and issues.”
“Please note that this story, like others on this site, is a joke. All characters and incidents appearing in this ‘report,’ including any comments thereupon, are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or incidents, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, irony, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find these stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (or maybe he should check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.
If Carson should win, he will need to do major surgery on the miscriants & hoodlums of Baltimore city. Put them to work on cleaning up the city, the parks, the streets, back alleys, places around the Convention center, Camden Yard baseball stadium, US Rt. 40, I-95, keep the tunnel spotless. How about some new Pathfinder clubs for the inner city? It’s gonna take a miracle. Woe is me!!
He certainly wouldn’t have any brains to perform surgery on in Baltimore.
Hahahahaha, is this a preview of things to come when he becomes President??
Just so everyone knows THIS SITE IS JUST FOR LAUGHS, Carson is still yet to announce his decision to run for president. However, AT THE MOMENT of this writing HE IS STILL considering running for President!
Gifted hands, but unsure about the political future? The future is in his hands.
Isn’t the future in the hands of the voters? He doesn’t have any chance of winning. So why run?
Right! I didn’t say it very well. He is a good example of someone with Gifted Hands, but clouded thinking. No real political future as President, governor, or mayor. Should have continued using his hands in surgery.
Surprise, surprise! Carson actually declared his candidacy for the U.S. Presidency today, not to run for mayor of Baltimore. He is a brilliant surgeon and a wonderful person. But I think his political ambitions are an exercise in futility. Maybe the Democrats are secretly paying him to run, so that the few followers he might attract will be diverted from supporting a stronger Republican candidate. I don’t think he even has any chance of being nominated as the official candidate at the Republican National Convention in July of 2016. So I’m not really sure what is the purpose of him running between now and next July. Maybe it’s mostly an opportunity for him to make speeches and get his views across to a wider audience. I guess that’s a good thing, because I think his ideas are valuable. But they seem more like theories than practical solutions. It seems to me that the majority of voters will support someone who presents more concrete, practical ideas.
From CNN: “The prospect of failure doesn’t seem to faze Carson anyway. He’s often said that he’s only looking at the race because he’s gotten strong encouragement from supporters and a nudge from God — not because he actually covets the White House.
“If he loses, he recently told the magazine of the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons, ‘I would say ‘Whew!’
“‘Because it’s not something I ever really wanted to do, and the only reason I’d consider it is because there’s so many people across the nation clamoring for me to do it,’ he added.”