Kinship Relocates To 3rd Floor GC Office Suite
SILVER SPRING, Md. — “OK, so we don’t exactly see eye-to-eye on every issue but they promised they were vegetarians and would pay rent so we signed them up as tenants on the spot,” Read more […]
Gender-Neutral Ministries Dept Replaces Women’s/Men’s Ministries In Swedish Union
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Segregated men’s and women’s ministries are a thing of the past in the Swedish Adventist Church. The old departments have been thrown out in favor of what the Swedish Union Read more […]
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Conspiracy Theorist Refuses To Be Tainted By Facts
DULLSVILLE, Ala. — Joe Knutter has spent the last 18 months scouring YouTube and fringe sites for confirmation of his ever-deepening conviction that COVID is fake news and vaccinations are from Read more […]
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GC Religious Liberty Department Flags Lack Of Religious Liberty at GC
SILVER SPRING, Md. — “I may not have a job after what I say today,” started General Conference Public Affairs and Religious Liberty spokesperson, Werdin Edgwize, his voice a little wobbly. “But Read more […]
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SCANDAL: Researcher Discovers EGW Favored Doritos Over Fritos In Haystacks
SILVER SPRING, Md. —— General Conference senior leadership rushed into an emergency meeting this morning after a researcher at the White Estate forwarded a memo claiming “irrefutable evidence Read more […]
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New Adventist App To Replace Your Conference President
ADVENTIST WORLD – In a move to streamline its massively top-heavy administration, the Adventist Church is eliminating conference presidents in favor of a new app that promises to do the job in Read more […]
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GC No Longer Asking Biden For Babylon Evacuation Assistance
SILVER SPRING, Md. — After an all-day emergency meeting of the GC Executive Committee, members voted overwhelmingly to withdraw an evacuation request recently filed with the Biden administration. Soon Read more […]
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New Member Can’t Find Where Jesus Lays Out 28 Fundamentals
STOCKHOLM, Sweden – New member Anna Borttappad opened her Bible this morning, looking to brush up on doctrine. After the flurry of scripture hopping she’d gone through during her baptismal Read more […]
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ASI Announces “Superspreader Evangelism” Training
COLUMBIA, Md. — Right on the heels of a densely-attended ASI (Adventist-laymen’s Services & Industries) convention in the Orlando area during a COVID-related state of emergency, the Read more […]
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Billion-Copy ‘Great Controversy’ Distribution Hastens Second Coming Through Deforestation
SILVER SPRING, Md. — There’s a twist to General Conference plans to distribute a billion copies of The Great Controversy. “We could just have emailed a billion PDFs to people but we aren’t Read more […]
