Wannabe Heritage Singers Restarting Special Music For Third Time

An awkward scene played out at the Pineview Seventh-day Adventist Church last Sabbath, as the special music group struggled mightily through an ambitious a cappella rendition of the classic “I’m Read more […]

The Future of Adventism. Can We Survive in a Negative World?

Let’s face it, Adventists. We aren’t exactly in our finest hour. We struggle with in-fighting over doctrinal issues that divide us. The fact that Jesus hasn’t yet returned is forcing us to redefine Read more […]

Pastor Accused of Rushing Through Baptism in Freezing River

Pastor Randall Pitts of the Boise Westview Seventh-day Adventist Church is under fire this week after several church members accused him of recklessly rushing through a baptism ceremony in the local Read more […]

Adventist Can’t Lose Weight No Matter How Many Little Debbie’s He Eats

Local Adventist Caleb Johnson just can’t seem to lose those stubborn last 15 pounds no matter how much he eats Adventist-owned Little Debbie snack cakes, sources confirmed today. “I don’t get Read more […]

Disproportionately High Number Of Single Women Telling Good Looking Visiting Speaker How Blessed They Were By Sermon

Following a sermon on Saturday by famously unmarried visiting speaker Bryan Reynolds at the Cougardale SDA Church, sources confirmed an unusually high number of single women approached the handsome Read more […]

New President Alex Bryan Promises Full Scholarships to Walla Walla Students Who Get Married By Christmas

Newly appointed Walla Walla University president Dr. Alex Bryan is wasting no time making his mark on the Adventist school. In a move that has students buzzing, Bryan announced today that WWU students Read more […]

Southern Promises Never to Invite Back “Gift of Singleness” Speaker

Southern Adventist University has issued a formal apology and sworn a blood oath never to invite back the misguided speaker who dared to promote the “gift of singleness” during a recent Week of Read more […]

Rhythm? What’s That? The Adventist Struggle on the Dance Floor

As Adventists, we were raised to believe that dancing was a sin akin to bearing false witness or coveting thy neighbor’s ox. From a young age, we were taught to view any rhythmic body movement Read more […]