Friday, May 1, 2026
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#NotSatire

Stop Treating “Do Not Worry” Like a Suggestion

We’ve turned one of Jesus’ clearest commands into background noise. “Do not worry” sits there in Scripture, not as a soft suggestion, not as a poetic ideal—but as a...
#NotSatire

Should We Shun Those Who Leave Adventism?

In a lot of high-control religious spaces, shunning isn’t unusual. Someone questions things, drifts, or leaves—and the temperature drops. The invites slow down. Conversations get a little shorter, a...
#NotSatire

How Worried Should You be that Your Congregation isn’t Growing?

Look, let’s be real for a second. If your church has been the same twenty-seven faithful souls for the last decade, something’s off. Jesus said “Go and make disciples,” not “Sit...
Fundamental Beliefs

Bible Study Circle Quietly Reviews Anointing-Oil Contingency Plans

Last Tuesday, as news of the U.S. naval blockade on Iranian ports rippled through the Persian Gulf—complete with Vice President JD Vance’s crisp declaration...
Uncategorized

Local Adventist Agrees With Pope, Deeply Uncomfortable About It

Man unsure whether to share article or burn phone COLLEGEDALE, TN — Area Seventh-day Adventist and longtime prophecy chart enthusiast Gerald Finster, 58, confirmed Tuesday...
#NotSatire

The Resurrection Didn’t Need a Ham Dinner to Be Real

Every spring, Adventists perform a quiet liturgy of our own. The rest of Christianity buys lilies and books brunch. We… move on. Sabbath School covers the quarterly....
#NotSatire

We Quote Paul’s Thorn. We Never Talk About Our Own.

Paul gets referenced a lot in Adventist circles. His missionary journeys, his theology, his letters that built half the New Testament. We love Paul. We...

Adventist Culture

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Potluck Will Save The Church

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Theologians have failed us. The GC has (frequently) failed...

5 Polite Ways to Tell the Global Majority That the Adults Are Still Talking

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  A resource for institutions navigating the awkward gap between...

Breaking the Cycle of Adventist Blackmail

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In Adventist circles, everyone knows everyone else’s business—and sometimes...

We’re Not a Cult… We’re Just Theologically Spicy

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The cult label gets thrown at Adventists because we’re...

Adventist Food

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Adventist Shaming: A Better Way Forward

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There are many absolutely beautiful aspects of Adventism. I...

We Can Do Vastly Better

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    For a group that often specializes in self-criticism, it’s...

Does BarelyAdventist Hate the Church?

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Between the satire, the memes, the open questions, the...

When Testimony Time Feels Like a Competition

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Testimony time can be one of the most beautiful...

Sabbath Observance

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Are You a Homeless Adventist?

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Not doctrinally. Not officially. Just… practically. You believe the message. You’re...

The Hymnal Knew Things Contemporary Worship Forgot

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There’s a theological argument buried in the index of...

What If the Three Angels Actually Had Good News?

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We’ve turned the Three Angels’ Messages into the theological...

Pastor Delivers Entire Sermon On Grace, Ends With 11-Point Checklist

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In what attendees are calling “a spiritual experience with...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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