Friday, February 6, 2026
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Frustrated Millennial Realizes “Dating Within the Faith” Limits Options to Her Third Cousin and the Guy Who Still Wears a Tie-Dye Revelation Seminar Shirt

COLLEGE PLACE, WA — Local Adventist millennial Hannah R. reportedly experienced a moment of sobering clarity this week after realizing that “dating within the faith” had narrowed her romantic...
Uncategorized

Can This Church Tell the Truth About Itself Without Panicking?

Young Adventists aren’t asking a hundred different questions. They’re asking one: Can this church tell the truth about itself without panicking? They’re watching what happens when uncomfortable realities surface—about LGBTQ...
#NotSatire

Is BarelyAdventist Liberal or Conservative?

Labels like liberal, conservative, progressive, or historical get thrown around a lot in Adventism—but do they really capture what we’re about? And where does BarelyAdventist actually fit on that map? For the...
#NotSatire

You’re Not Behind—You’re Just Not Living the Life You Imagined at 22

Let’s say the quiet part out loud: a lot of us are grieving a version of ourselves that never showed up. You thought you’d be...
#NotSatire

If You’re Exhausted, Discouraged, and Over It… Read This First

You’re not burned out. You’re burned through. You’ve been caring, hoping, believing, showing up, and holding it together longer than anyone realizes—and now your...
#NotSatire

We Don’t Have a Youth Retention Problem—We Have an Adult Honesty Problem

Adventism keeps asking why young people are leaving. We commission studies, hold panels, and launch initiatives designed to “keep the youth.” But the uncomfortable...
Progressive Revelation

We Say ‘Present Truth’ but Panic Every Time It Actually Shows Up

Adventism loves the phrase present truth. It sounds forward-looking, flexible, even brave. But in practice, when present truth shows up, panic tends to follow. Somewhere...

Adventist Culture

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Trump Announces “Very Peaceful” Invasion of Pitcairn Island After Discovering It Keeps the Sabbath

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PITCAIRN ISLAND (Somewhere Near Revelation 14) — U.S. President Donald...

Are We Making Too Much of a Deal About the Sabbath?

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The Sabbath is a gift. It’s a commandment, yes—but more...

The Thing That Still Drives Me After All These Years

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I grew up as a missionary kid, and there’s...

Why Counting Baptisms May Be the Least Honest Metric We Have

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Let’s start here: when someone chooses to follow Jesus,...

Adventist Food

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Should We Be Embarrassed That Jesus Isn’t Back Yet?

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As Adventists, our story begins with embarrassment. The Great Disappointment...

Stop Calling Him Doubting Thomas

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  Stop Calling Him Doubting Thomas Somehow, Thomas ended up with...

When My Adventist World Fell Apart at 11

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I grew up on missionary campuses, mostly in Asia,...

Is It Time to Say Goodbye to Ellen White?

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There’s a question that feels increasingly unavoidable in Adventism’s...

Sabbath Observance

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Study Reveals: Nobody Believes Pastor When He Says “In Conclusion” on Sabbath Morning

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Study Reveals—A new Sabbath-morning study confirms that no Adventist...

If You Feel Alone Right Now, This Is for You

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Loneliness doesn’t always look like being by yourself. Sometimes...

Local Adventist Confirms Costco Hot Dog Aligns With Church Teachings Because It’s Still $1.50

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  COLLEGE PLACE, WA — Local Adventist Frank Stewardson confirmed...

When Life Drains You, This Is the Reminder You Actually Need

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  Let’s not sugarcoat it: some days, life feels like...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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