Member Fact-Checking Bible With EGW
Tear Falls, Mich. — Lately Stumble Block SDA Head Deaconess Liga List has been very concerned at a number of Biblical shortcomings. In an email to her entire church board (copying conference Read more […]
Churches to Appoint Arm-Twisting Coordinator
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference has announced that Adventist congregation will each be required to appoint one of their more muscular members to the position of arm-twisting coordinator. Read more […]
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Musk Backs Out of Twitter Deal After Discovering Church Lobbies Much Better for Spreading Gossip
BOCA CHICA, Texas — Billionaire Elon Musk has backed out of his commitment to buy social media platform Twitter after discovering that a far better way to share gossip has existed for decades. “Turns Read more […]
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Starbucks Releases GC-Branded Mugs
SILVER SPRING, MD. — This week Starbucks launched a new line of drinkware in Silver Spring, Maryland. Instead of branding mugs with the name of the city, the coffee giant decided instead to Read more […]
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New Convert Asks Why Communion Wafers so Tasteless
PARIS, France — A new convert has been given a stern talking to after questioning the flavor of communion wafers. Sans Saveur asked the question at a church potluck immediately following his Read more […]
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Adventist Walk of Shame: Leaving Potluck With Untouched Dish
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — According to the Andrews University Dietetics Department, the greatest source of shame in the Adventist experience is the prospect of leaving a potluck with a dish you Read more […]
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Amazing Facts Posts Job Opening for Beast Illustrator
GRANITE BAY, Calif. — Television and internet ministry Amazing Facts is looking to hire an illustrator that can draw “Marvel-Studios-scary beasts.” The ministry said it was looking for Read more […]
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Social Media Evangelist Busted Playing Candy Crush
SILVER SPRING, Md. — TikTok native Ben Streemur was a logical recruit to the GC’s digital evangelism initiative when he finished college last summer. Graduating with a theology and marketing Read more […]
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Adventist Committee Sets Guinness World Record For Longest Meeting
BERKSHIRE, England — A Newbold Church committee meeting (still in session) has just set a Guinness Record for the longest meeting on record. The committee was originally called to discuss Read more […]
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Deacon Pilloried for Premature Potluck Seconds Attempt
RICKETY SHED, Mich. — Members of Graceless SDA Church took matters into their own hands last Sabbath as Ben Masnomenos, a particularly disliked deacon, tried to go for potluck seconds before Read more […]
