Friday, February 13, 2026
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Local Deacon Reminds Wife Submission Would Improve Communication Flow

SPRINGDALE, USA — Local deacon Mark Halvorsen confirmed Tuesday evening that he had lovingly intervened in what he described as “a minor tonal disruption” by reminding his wife that...
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English Is Over: The Global Church Is Moving On

Adventism has long assumed North American English was the default. The lingua franca. The accent of authority. The sound of faith. But that assumption is crumbling. Most Adventists now...
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The Dumbest Things You Can Do in a Church Business Meeting

Here is a non-exhaustive list of the dumbest things you can do in a church business meeting, lovingly observed in the wild. Start a sentence with “This isn’t personal, but…” It is...
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The Quiet Financial Anxiety So Many of Us Carry

  This isn’t the dramatic, headline-grabbing kind of money stress. No eviction notice taped to the door. No tearful phone calls to the bank. Just...
#NotSatire

You Can Love the Church and Still Demand Better From It

You Can Love the Church and Still Demand Better From It Too often, Adventism mistakes loyalty for silence. Speak up about mistakes, question leadership, or...
#NotSatire

Is BarelyAdventist Liberal or Conservative?

Labels like liberal, conservative, progressive, or historical get thrown around a lot in Adventism—but do they really capture what we’re about? And where does...
#NotSatire

You’re Not Behind—You’re Just Not Living the Life You Imagined at 22

Let’s say the quiet part out loud: a lot of us are grieving a version of ourselves that never showed up. You thought you’d be...

Adventist Culture

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We Say ‘Present Truth’ but Panic Every Time It Actually Shows Up

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Adventism loves the phrase present truth. It sounds forward-looking,...

GC Officials Open Fire On Anti-Carob Protestors, Drenching Them Thoroughly With Super Soakers

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SILVER SPRING, MD — Chaos erupted outside the General...

Trump Tells NATO: “Iron and Clay Feet? No Way They Can Defend Greenland!”

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  WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump delivered a...

Does BarelyAdventist Hate the Church?

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Between the satire, the memes, the open questions, the...

Adventist Food

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We Don’t Need to Agree

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  Growing up on missionary campuses felt like a miniature...

BREAKING: Trans-European Division Deploys Pathfinders to Defend Greenland

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In a decisive and extremely well-badged move, the Trans-European...

Trump Announces “Very Peaceful” Invasion of Pitcairn Island After Discovering It Keeps the Sabbath

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PITCAIRN ISLAND (Somewhere Near Revelation 14) — U.S. President Donald...

Are We Making Too Much of a Deal About the Sabbath?

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The Sabbath is a gift. It’s a commandment, yes—but more...

Sabbath Observance

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Can This Church Tell the Truth About Itself Without Panicking?

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Young Adventists aren’t asking a hundred different questions. They’re...

Church Shouldn’t Feel Like Walking on Eggshells

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Somewhere along the way, church became a place where...

Why So Many Adventists Think They’re Being Loving—and Aren’t

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Most Adventists genuinely believe they’re being loving. That’s what...

Epstein Files Reveal He Repeatedly Complained About Unsolicited Copies of The Great Controversy Appearing at His Properties

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U.S. — Among the thousands of pages released in...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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