Thursday, February 12, 2026
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English Is Over: The Global Church Is Moving On

Adventism has long assumed North American English was the default. The lingua franca. The accent of authority. The sound of faith. But that assumption is crumbling. Most Adventists now...
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Anxiety Doesn’t Mean You’re Bad at Trusting God

Somewhere along the way, many of us absorbed the idea that if we were really trusting God, we’d be calmer. Smoother. Less internally dramatic. Like spiritual swans—gliding peacefully while...
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The Quiet Financial Anxiety So Many of Us Carry

  This isn’t the dramatic, headline-grabbing kind of money stress. No eviction notice taped to the door. No tearful phone calls to the bank. Just the low, steady hum in the background...
#NotSatire

You Can Love the Church and Still Demand Better From It

You Can Love the Church and Still Demand Better From It Too often, Adventism mistakes loyalty for silence. Speak up about mistakes, question leadership, or...
#NotSatire

Study Reveals: Nobody Believes Pastor When He Says “In Conclusion” on Sabbath Morning

Study Reveals—A new Sabbath-morning study confirms that no Adventist anywhere believes a pastor when he says the words “in conclusion,” having learned through decades...
#NotSatire

You’re Not Behind—You’re Just Not Living the Life You Imagined at 22

Let’s say the quiet part out loud: a lot of us are grieving a version of ourselves that never showed up. You thought you’d be...
#NotSatire

If You’re Exhausted, Discouraged, and Over It… Read This First

You’re not burned out. You’re burned through. You’ve been caring, hoping, believing, showing up, and holding it together longer than anyone realizes—and now your...

Adventist Culture

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GC Officials Open Fire On Anti-Carob Protestors, Drenching Them Thoroughly With Super Soakers

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SILVER SPRING, MD — Chaos erupted outside the General...

Trump Tells NATO: “Iron and Clay Feet? No Way They Can Defend Greenland!”

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  WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump delivered a...

Does BarelyAdventist Hate the Church?

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Between the satire, the memes, the open questions, the...

Single Adventist Woman Seeking Husband to Help Populate an Entire Pathfinder Club

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Age: Old enough to know better, young enough to...

Adventist Food

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BREAKING: Trans-European Division Deploys Pathfinders to Defend Greenland

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In a decisive and extremely well-badged move, the Trans-European...

Trump Announces “Very Peaceful” Invasion of Pitcairn Island After Discovering It Keeps the Sabbath

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PITCAIRN ISLAND (Somewhere Near Revelation 14) — U.S. President Donald...

Are We Making Too Much of a Deal About the Sabbath?

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The Sabbath is a gift. It’s a commandment, yes—but more...

The Thing That Still Drives Me After All These Years

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I grew up as a missionary kid, and there’s...

Sabbath Observance

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Church Shouldn’t Feel Like Walking on Eggshells

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Somewhere along the way, church became a place where...

Why So Many Adventists Think They’re Being Loving—and Aren’t

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Most Adventists genuinely believe they’re being loving. That’s what...

Epstein Files Reveal He Repeatedly Complained About Unsolicited Copies of The Great Controversy Appearing at His Properties

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U.S. — Among the thousands of pages released in...

The Dumbest Things You Can Do in a Church Business Meeting

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Here is a non-exhaustive list of the dumbest things...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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