Thursday, March 5, 2026
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Christian intimacy book, “The Adventist Missionary Position,” hits shelves

NAMPA, Idaho --- In an attempt to counter secular guides to marriage intimacy, Pacific Press has released "The Adventist Missionary Position." The publisher bills the book as being "jam-packed...
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What If Pastors Had Public Report Cards?

Every Adventist kid remembers report card day. The quiet tension. The careful unfolding of the paper. The hopeful search for an A that proves your late-night studying actually meant...
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ABC Stores Don’t Know What to Do With Leftover Carob

February 15th: chocolate’s gone, hearts are broken, and ABC stores are buried under a small mountain of carob. Carob hearts. Carob-covered raisins. Carob bars pretending to be chocolate. Enough to make...
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Local Deacon Reminds Wife Submission Would Improve Communication Flow

SPRINGDALE, USA — Local deacon Mark Halvorsen confirmed Tuesday evening that he had lovingly intervened in what he described as “a minor tonal disruption”...
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English Is Over: The Global Church Is Moving On

Adventism has long assumed North American English was the default. The lingua franca. The accent of authority. The sound of faith. But that assumption...
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Conference Officials Remind Members That “The Investigative Judgment” Does Not Apply to Your Neighbor’s Choice of Lawn Ornament

  TAKOMA PARK, MD — Conference officials issued a gentle reminder this week clarifying that the doctrine of the Investigative Judgment does not, in fact,...
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Frustrated Millennial Realizes “Dating Within the Faith” Limits Options to Her Third Cousin and the Guy Who Still Wears a Tie-Dye Revelation Seminar Shirt

COLLEGE PLACE, WA — Local Adventist millennial Hannah R. reportedly experienced a moment of sobering clarity this week after realizing that “dating within the...

Adventist Culture

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You Can Love the Church and Still Demand Better From It

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You Can Love the Church and Still Demand Better...

Study Reveals: Nobody Believes Pastor When He Says “In Conclusion” on Sabbath Morning

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Study Reveals—A new Sabbath-morning study confirms that no Adventist...

If You Feel Alone Right Now, This Is for You

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Loneliness doesn’t always look like being by yourself. Sometimes...

Local Adventist Confirms Costco Hot Dog Aligns With Church Teachings Because It’s Still $1.50

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  COLLEGE PLACE, WA — Local Adventist Frank Stewardson confirmed...

Adventist Food

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Is BarelyAdventist Liberal or Conservative?

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Labels like liberal, conservative, progressive, or historical get thrown...

You’re Not Behind—You’re Just Not Living the Life You Imagined at 22

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Let’s say the quiet part out loud: a lot...

If You’re Exhausted, Discouraged, and Over It… Read This First

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You’re not burned out. You’re burned through. You’ve been...

You’re Not Falling Apart — You’re Just Living in a Broken World

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Let’s be honest. Some days feel less like walking...

Sabbath Observance

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If Your Theology Doesn’t Reduce Anxiety, People Will Find One That Does

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An anxious generation will not be discipled by a...

We’re Talking About the Wrong Things and it’s Costing Adventism its Future

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Every generation has its theological debates. That’s not new. Still,...

The Law Isn’t Legalism (Calm Down)

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These days, talking seriously about the Ten Commandments feels...

No, You Can’t Hasten the Second Coming

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Somewhere along the way, “sharing the gospel” turned into...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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