Wednesday, February 18, 2026
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No, You Can’t Hasten the Second Coming

Somewhere along the way, “sharing the gospel” turned into “speeding up Jesus.” The idea usually leans on 2 Peter 3:12 about “hastening” the day of God and Matthew 24:14 about...
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ABC Stores Don’t Know What to Do With Leftover Carob

February 15th: chocolate’s gone, hearts are broken, and ABC stores are buried under a small mountain of carob. Carob hearts. Carob-covered raisins. Carob bars pretending to be chocolate. Enough...
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Why So Many Adventists Think They’re Being Loving—and Aren’t

Most Adventists genuinely believe they’re being loving. That’s what makes this so tricky. Few wake up thinking, “I hope I make someone feel small today.” And yet, many people leave our...
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Epstein Files Reveal He Repeatedly Complained About Unsolicited Copies of The Great Controversy Appearing at His Properties

U.S. — Among the thousands of pages released in the latest tranche of Epstein-related documents, investigators and journalists stumbled upon an unexpected recurring grievance:...
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The Dumbest Things You Can Do in a Church Business Meeting

Here is a non-exhaustive list of the dumbest things you can do in a church business meeting, lovingly observed in the wild. Start a...
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Local Adventist Confirms Costco Hot Dog Aligns With Church Teachings Because It’s Still $1.50

  COLLEGE PLACE, WA — Local Adventist Frank Stewardson confirmed Friday that purchasing a Costco hot dog remains fully compatible with the church’s teachings on...
#NotSatire

When Life Drains You, This Is the Reminder You Actually Need

  Let’s not sugarcoat it: some days, life feels like it’s siphoning energy straight out of your soul. Not just tired—soul-tired. You’ve rested, prayed, maybe...

Adventist Culture

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Trump Vows Never to Put Tariffs on Adventists Because Ben Carson

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold new economic promise...

We Don’t Have a Youth Retention Problem—We Have an Adult Honesty Problem

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Adventism keeps asking why young people are leaving. We...

We Say ‘Present Truth’ but Panic Every Time It Actually Shows Up

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Adventism loves the phrase present truth. It sounds forward-looking,...

GC Officials Open Fire On Anti-Carob Protestors, Drenching Them Thoroughly With Super Soakers

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SILVER SPRING, MD — Chaos erupted outside the General...

Adventist Food

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Does BarelyAdventist Hate the Church?

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Between the satire, the memes, the open questions, the...

Single Adventist Woman Seeking Husband to Help Populate an Entire Pathfinder Club

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Age: Old enough to know better, young enough to...

We Don’t Need to Agree

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  Growing up on missionary campuses felt like a miniature...

BREAKING: Trans-European Division Deploys Pathfinders to Defend Greenland

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In a decisive and extremely well-badged move, the Trans-European...

Sabbath Observance

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BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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