HARD LUCK, Mich. — Half-asleep, Joe Cansadisimo is sending up a desperate prayer for deliverance as his local congregation’s prayer meeting continues to hold strong at 11:34 PM. T’he Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Major donors to the General Conference have let their appointees know it’s high time they came up with new material for the Adventist creed collection. “It’s been a Read more […]
Good news! Thanks to the wonders of over-priced technology, you mom will no longer need to ask you if you’ve found that special Adventist somebody. The iPhone 14 will simply send her a weekly Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Anti-drum activists in the Adventist Church have finally decided to lay down their arms and solve the percussion problem that has driven them crazy since the start of the 1990s Read more […]
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Never unwilling to push the boundaries of Adventist higher education, La Sierra University announced In-N-Out Secret Menu Studies as the latest addition to their degree offerings. As Read more […]
UNITED STATES — Adventist college students breathed a collective sigh of relief today as the Biden administration announced unpaid parking tickets incurred at any of the denomination’s college Read more […]
BUTTONED UP, Tenn. — Last Generation theologian, Solo Opera, took a break from his prophetic timeline charts this afternoon, to take a 30-minute standardized holiness test. Opera was hugely Read more […]
VANITYVILLE, Calif. — Joe Shmugh has notified his local congregation’s nominating committee that there is “no way this side of eternity” he is stepping down from his “vital role” as Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to increase compliance across the denomination, the General Conference has established the Department of Witch-Hunting whose staff were ordered to immediately Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD: In the latest round of scary news for conference HR departments, the spouses of pastors around the world have announced their intention to unionize. The group is calling Read more […]
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