Builders Counselor Doesn’t Fit His Own Wilderness Shelter

BERKSHIRE, England — In the quaint village of Binfield a group of Adventurers in Builders children gathered for a much-hyped class in wilderness survival by a self-proclaimed modern day missionary/Viking, Read more […]

Loma Linda No Longer Blue Zone After Retired Church Administrators Move In, Ruin Life Expectancy

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Long the jewel in the Adventist lifestyle crown, Loma Linda has suffered a dramatic fall from grace due to the torrential influx of retired church administrators moving to Read more […]

Neuralink Places Ted Wilson Chip in All GC Employee Brains To Improve Compliance

Silver Spring, Md. — General Conference President Ted Wilson has taken steps to ensure his vision remains unchallenged by implanting Neuralink chips in the brains of all GC employees. The move Read more […]

Ladida SDA Church Replaces “Happy Sabbath” with “Namaste” Greeting

Ladida, Maine – In a move that has sent ripples of controversy through the Ladida Seventh-day Adventist Church, the church board has decided to update the congregation’s Sabbath greetings by substituting Read more […]

South England Conference Delegates Ace Surprise Quiz On Machiavelli’s ‘The Prince’

In a daring departure from the traditional agenda of hymn-singing, lining up to argue at mics and dramatically sending newly-recommended leadership names back to committee, organizers of this weekend’s Read more […]

Loma Linda Med Student Prays for Second Coming Before He Has To Pay Back School Loans

Loma Linda, Calif. – In a stunning display of faith and fiscal desperation, a local medical student at Loma Linda University, John Stethoscope, has been caught on camera fervently praying for Read more […]

Vatican Buys Up Rights To ‘The Great Controversy’

In a surprise move for the generally uneventful world of Adventist publishing, the Vatican has announced that it has snapped up worldwide publishing rights to Ellen White classic The Great Controversy. Explaining Read more […]

Congregation Wishes Overconfident Pastor Would Go Back to Using Sermon Notes

In an annoying display of pastoral self-assuredness, Pastor William “Windy” Williams of the Free Grace Adventist Church has proudly announced that he no longer needs to rely on sermon notes. While Read more […]