Saturday, February 7, 2026
spot_img
Uncategorized

Conference Officials Remind Members That “The Investigative Judgment” Does Not Apply to Your Neighbor’s Choice of Lawn Ornament

  TAKOMA PARK, MD — Conference officials issued a gentle reminder this week clarifying that the doctrine of the Investigative Judgment does not, in fact, extend to evaluating a neighbor’s...
Uncategorized

Frustrated Millennial Realizes “Dating Within the Faith” Limits Options to Her Third Cousin and the Guy Who Still Wears a Tie-Dye Revelation Seminar Shirt

COLLEGE PLACE, WA — Local Adventist millennial Hannah R. reportedly experienced a moment of sobering clarity this week after realizing that “dating within the faith” had narrowed her romantic...
#NotSatire

When Life Drains You, This Is the Reminder You Actually Need

  Let’s not sugarcoat it: some days, life feels like it’s siphoning energy straight out of your soul. Not just tired—soul-tired. You’ve rested, prayed, maybe even done a little Bible study, but...
#NotSatire

Is BarelyAdventist Liberal or Conservative?

Labels like liberal, conservative, progressive, or historical get thrown around a lot in Adventism—but do they really capture what we’re about? And where does...
#NotSatire

You’re Not Behind—You’re Just Not Living the Life You Imagined at 22

Let’s say the quiet part out loud: a lot of us are grieving a version of ourselves that never showed up. You thought you’d be...
Trump

Trump Vows Never to Put Tariffs on Adventists Because Ben Carson

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold new economic promise announced today, former President Donald Trump vowed he would never impose tariffs on Adventists—because Ben...
#NotSatire

We Don’t Have a Youth Retention Problem—We Have an Adult Honesty Problem

Adventism keeps asking why young people are leaving. We commission studies, hold panels, and launch initiatives designed to “keep the youth.” But the uncomfortable...

Adventist Culture

Continue to the category

BREAKING: Trans-European Division Deploys Pathfinders to Defend Greenland

0
In a decisive and extremely well-badged move, the Trans-European...

Trump Announces “Very Peaceful” Invasion of Pitcairn Island After Discovering It Keeps the Sabbath

0
PITCAIRN ISLAND (Somewhere Near Revelation 14) — U.S. President Donald...

Are We Making Too Much of a Deal About the Sabbath?

0
The Sabbath is a gift. It’s a commandment, yes—but more...

The Thing That Still Drives Me After All These Years

0
I grew up as a missionary kid, and there’s...

Adventist Food

Continue to the category

God Is Not a Sadist

0
God’s ideal is clear: a loving, faithful, life-giving marriage....

Should We Be Embarrassed That Jesus Isn’t Back Yet?

0
As Adventists, our story begins with embarrassment. The Great Disappointment...

Stop Calling Him Doubting Thomas

0
  Stop Calling Him Doubting Thomas Somehow, Thomas ended up with...

When My Adventist World Fell Apart at 11

0
I grew up on missionary campuses, mostly in Asia,...

Sabbath Observance

Continue to the category

You Can Love the Church and Still Demand Better From It

0
You Can Love the Church and Still Demand Better...

Study Reveals: Nobody Believes Pastor When He Says “In Conclusion” on Sabbath Morning

0
Study Reveals—A new Sabbath-morning study confirms that no Adventist...

If You Feel Alone Right Now, This Is for You

0
Loneliness doesn’t always look like being by yourself. Sometimes...

Local Adventist Confirms Costco Hot Dog Aligns With Church Teachings Because It’s Still $1.50

0
  COLLEGE PLACE, WA — Local Adventist Frank Stewardson confirmed...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

Categories

Trending

© BarelyAdventist