SILVER SPRING, Md. — Gone are the days when you had to read books to discover Ellen White’s visions. This month the White Estate released all key visions of the Adventist co-founder as a virtual Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference President Ted Wilson has a launched a full scale attack on the international hoverboard craze. After colliding with a caffeinated North American Division Read more […]
ICEBUCKET, Mich. — John the Baptist was banned from Shepherd SDA Church last Sabbath after turning up for a service in his usual camel hair attire. The preacher immediately attracted the attention Read more […]
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — The Swedish Union ordained the young activist Greta Thunberg as a climate change prophet this morning in a ceremony attended by absolutely no GC officials. Although Read more […]
PENTAGON — In an effort to modernize its arsenal, the US Military has placed a gargantuan order of deadly mustard. “I guarantee our enemies have never thought of this simple but lethal Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Wildly inspired by Prince Harry’s tell-all autobiography, General Conference VP Will Exitlit, promised himself this morning to celebrate his retirement day with the publication Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Biblical Research Institute has announced that all future Adventists baptisms will require successful candidates to earn a PhD in biblical studies, Adventist history or, Read more […]
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Adventist insistence that the dead are in a sleep-like state and “know nothing” is driving movie studio execs crazy in Hollywood according to a lawsuit served to the Southern Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite the growing chaos surrounding Congressional Republicans’ failure to pick a Speaker of the House, representatives have flat out refused to make their selection before Read more […]
HEAVEN – A statement released this morning from Heaven’s media relations office confirmed what many have suspected the last few days: this was an awful Christmas. “The world was ravaged by Read more […]
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