CALHOUN, Ga. – Georgia-Cumberland Academy announced today that it had started accepting tuition payments in the cryptocurrency Dogecoin. “We’ve always been future-minded,” opened Read more […]
Alphabet Lane, Calif. – Over the last month Pastor Mel Eskribir has treated his frustrated flock to glaring typos in multiple emails, e-bulletins and sermon PowerPoints. Without fail, Eskribir Read more […]
Keene, Tex. – Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has continued to encourage a California exodus by announcing the relocation of Tesla from Palo Alto to an extension of Southwestern Adventist University’s Read more […]
HANNOVER, Germany – On April 25, members of the North German Union Executive Committee voted to rekindle what, quite frankly, had been a sputtering penpal relationship with the General Conference. Delegates Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. – The General Conference Department of Compliant Creativity has announced the first ever Adventist Oscars ceremony. “Rather than celebrate anything cinematic, we will Read more […]
Due to what General Conference Session organizers termed “post-COVID space considerations” the upcoming meetings will not feature seating or yellow vote cards for supporters of women’s Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. – Later today, General Conference leaders will be voting on the hotly-debated topic of where in the HQ’s parking lot to gather at the time of the Second Coming. So far nobody Read more […]
Everyone’s favorite pups will not be saving lives in their hometown of Adventure Bay in PAW Patrol: The Movie. The hotly-anticipated feature-length production is instead set in California’s Read more […]
In a bid to diversify its programming, Comedy Central has signed retiring General Conference Executive Secretary, GT Ng. Known as the funniest Adventist alive, the Singaporean will host Committee Read more […]
Local Adventist modesty campaigner Matt Streihtlase didn’t anticipate the reaction he got from his wife this afternoon. All he did was bring up her choice of bedroom attire. Streihtlase told his Read more […]
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