Thursday, March 26, 2026
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Here’s Why the Mormons Are Way Richer Than Us

It’s not magic—it’s culture, structure, and theology. Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are, on average, wealthier than Seventh-day Adventists, and here’s why. First, Mormons actively...
Social Justice

Local Adventist Discovers Caring for the Poor Is Not a Liberal Conspiracy—But Actually, Like… Half the Bible

SPRINGFIELD, USA — In a shocking turn of events during this week’s Sabbath School discussion, local Adventist Mark Jensen reportedly discovered that caring for the poor is not, in...
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You Are Not a Prophet

  For decades, the Adventist Church has had people who feel it’s their personal duty to correct everyone else. Emails packed with Ellen White quotes. Whispered critiques in the church lobby about...
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Superstitious Church leaders scrap 13th Sabbath tradition

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In a dramatic shift for the Adventist church, world leaders have decided to discontinue the practice of holding special offerings...
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Would Adventist Leaders Be in Better Shape If They Actually Believed the Health Message?

Long before Blue Zones were trendy, we were warning about sugar, preaching whole foods, and publishing longevity data. If this message truly sharpens the...
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When Ellen Put James on Ice

Forget the image of Adventist pioneers singing hymns on every carriage ride. Ellen G. White and James White had their frosty moments. As Gilbert...
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Is It Time to Say Goodbye to Ellen White?

There’s a question that feels increasingly unavoidable in Adventism’s current moment—maybe even a perfectly acceptable one at this point in our history: What do we...

Adventist Culture

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The Law Isn’t Legalism (Calm Down)

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These days, talking seriously about the Ten Commandments feels...

No, You Can’t Hasten the Second Coming

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Somewhere along the way, “sharing the gospel” turned into...

ABC Stores Don’t Know What to Do With Leftover Carob

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February 15th: chocolate’s gone, hearts are broken, and ABC...

Local Deacon Reminds Wife Submission Would Improve Communication Flow

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SPRINGDALE, USA — Local deacon Mark Halvorsen confirmed Tuesday...

Adventist Food

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Anxiety Doesn’t Mean You’re Bad at Trusting God

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Somewhere along the way, many of us absorbed the...

In Defense of Adventism

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  Adventism is worth defending. Not the messy parts we...

Do You Ever Wonder Whether Adventist Satire Is Misunderstood by People Who Don’t Know the Church from the Inside?

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Absolutely. That’s probably the central risk of doing satire...

Adventists Say They’d Feel Much Better If His Name Was “Good Bunny”

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SILVER SPRING, MD — A growing number of Adventists...

Sabbath Observance

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Adventist Shaming: A Better Way Forward

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There are many absolutely beautiful aspects of Adventism. I...

We Can Do Vastly Better

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    For a group that often specializes in self-criticism, it’s...

Does BarelyAdventist Hate the Church?

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Between the satire, the memes, the open questions, the...

When Testimony Time Feels Like a Competition

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Testimony time can be one of the most beautiful...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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