Friday, April 17, 2026
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#NotSatire

Are You a Homeless Adventist?

Not doctrinally. Not officially. Just… practically. You believe the message. You’re not trying to leave. But somewhere between the edges, you stopped feeling like you fully belong anywhere. Too conservative for the...
#NotSatire

The Hymnal Knew Things Contemporary Worship Forgot

There’s a theological argument buried in the index of the Seventh-day Adventist Hymnal that contemporary worship music never bothered to have. Not because the old songs were better written. Some...
#NotSatire

We Quote Paul’s Thorn. We Never Talk About Our Own.

Paul gets referenced a lot in Adventist circles. His missionary journeys, his theology, his letters that built half the New Testament. We love Paul. We also love citing his thorn. That mysterious,...
Uncategorized

Your Gay Kid Didn’t Leave Because of the World. They Left Because of Us.

We told the story wrong for decades. The version we preferred went like this: the world is seductive, the flesh is weak, and our children—raised...
Ellen White

Ellen Was a Sick Teenage Girl Who Changed the World. Don’t Underestimate What You Have.

She was nine years old when a rock hit her in the face and changed the trajectory of her life. The injury left her disfigured,...
Uncategorized

Potluck Will Save The Church

Theologians have failed us. The GC has (frequently) failed us. But the veggie lasagna? The veggie lasagna has never let us down. While the General...
Adventists Speak Up

5 Polite Ways to Tell the Global Majority That the Adults Are Still Talking

  A resource for institutions navigating the awkward gap between demographic reality and organizational inertia. 1. “We Value Your Perspective.” This phrase is extremely useful because it...

Adventist Culture

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When Testimony Time Feels Like a Competition

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Testimony time can be one of the most beautiful...

You Are Not a Prophet

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  For decades, the Adventist Church has had people who...

Superstitious Church leaders scrap 13th Sabbath tradition

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SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In a dramatic shift for...

Would Adventist Leaders Be in Better Shape If They Actually Believed the Health Message?

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Long before Blue Zones were trendy, we were warning...

Adventist Food

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Adventist prays for sun to stand still so she can finish her Friday chores

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LONDON, England --- An Adventist woman paused in prayer...

Christian intimacy book, “The Adventist Missionary Position,” hits shelves

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NAMPA, Idaho --- In an attempt to counter secular...

What If Pastors Had Public Report Cards?

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Every Adventist kid remembers report card day. The quiet...

When Ellen Put James on Ice

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Forget the image of Adventist pioneers singing hymns on...

Sabbath Observance

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Forty-Two Percent of Everyone Who Joins Us Eventually Leaves. Let’s Talk About That.

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That’s not a rounding error. That’s a pattern. Since 1965,...

Doubt Doesn’t Break Your Faith. Pretending Does.

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Nobody leaves Adventism because they asked too many questions. They...

Prayer Is Not a Prescription. (God Made Therapists Too.)

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Somewhere along the way we decided that struggling Christians...

The Resurrection Didn’t Need a Ham Dinner to Be Real

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Every spring, Adventists perform a quiet liturgy of our...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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