Gender-Neutral Ministries Dept Replaces Women’s/Men’s Ministries In Swedish Union

STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Segregated men’s and women’s ministries are a thing of the past in the Swedish Adventist Church. The old departments have been thrown out in favor of what the Swedish Union Read more […]

Conspiracy Theorist Refuses To Be Tainted By Facts

DULLSVILLE, Ala. — Joe Knutter has spent the last 18 months scouring YouTube and fringe sites for confirmation of his ever-deepening conviction that COVID is fake news and vaccinations are from Read more […]

GC Religious Liberty Department Flags Lack Of Religious Liberty at GC

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “I may not have a job after what I say today,” started General Conference Public Affairs and Religious Liberty spokesperson, Werdin Edgwize, his voice a little wobbly. “But Read more […]

SCANDAL: Researcher Discovers EGW Favored Doritos Over Fritos In Haystacks

SILVER SPRING, Md. —— General Conference senior leadership rushed into an emergency meeting this morning after a researcher at the White Estate forwarded a memo claiming “irrefutable evidence Read more […]

GC No Longer Asking Biden For Babylon Evacuation Assistance

SILVER SPRING, Md. — After an all-day emergency meeting of the GC Executive Committee, members voted overwhelmingly to withdraw an evacuation request recently filed with the Biden administration. Soon Read more […]

New Member Can’t Find Where Jesus Lays Out 28 Fundamentals

STOCKHOLM, Sweden – New member Anna Borttappad opened her Bible this morning, looking to brush up on doctrine. After the flurry of scripture hopping she’d gone through during her baptismal Read more […]

Billion-Copy ‘Great Controversy’ Distribution Hastens Second Coming Through Deforestation

SILVER SPRING, Md. — There’s a twist to General Conference plans to distribute a billion copies of The Great Controversy. “We could just have emailed a billion PDFs to people but we aren’t Read more […]