Tuesday, June 16, 2026
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Women's ordination

Ministry Checkpoint Foils Ordination Attempt; Women Still Run Everything for Free

Silver Spring, MD – Chaos erupted Tuesday at the newly installed Ecclesiastical Security Checkpoint when a brazen female congregant attempted to smuggle “ordination” through the metal detector. The device exploded...
Uncategorized

Wishing for the World to End is Selfish

Wishing for the World to End is Selfish In Adventist circles, we talk easily about the “blessed hope.” We read Revelation, we sing about Jesus coming soon, we remind each...
#NotSatire

Why Be Adventist When the Church Drives You Crazy?

Honest answer? You probably have a list of reasons to leave. Most of them are valid. The institutional self-protection. The debates that never land anywhere. The conference that seems more interested in...
#NotSatire

Which Sins Get Adventists Judged—and Which Get Them Promoted?

In Adventist circles, we all know that not all sins are created equal. Get caught in adultery or stealing from the church, and you’re out...
Sabbath

Sometimes I Feel Like I Need a Sabbath from the Sabbath

  I love my church. I’m all in. I want it to grow, to thrive, to become the kind of community people actually want to...
#NotSatire

The Hymnal Knew Things Contemporary Worship Forgot

There’s a theological argument buried in the index of the Seventh-day Adventist Hymnal that contemporary worship music never bothered to have. Not because the old...
Uncategorized

What If the Three Angels Actually Had Good News?

We’ve turned the Three Angels’ Messages into the theological equivalent of a car alarm — loud, urgent, and ignored by everyone except the people...

Adventist Culture

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Doubt Doesn’t Break Your Faith. Pretending Does.

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Nobody leaves Adventism because they asked too many questions. They...

Prayer Is Not a Prescription. (God Made Therapists Too.)

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Somewhere along the way we decided that struggling Christians...

The Resurrection Didn’t Need a Ham Dinner to Be Real

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Every spring, Adventists perform a quiet liturgy of our...

We Quote Paul’s Thorn. We Never Talk About Our Own.

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Paul gets referenced a lot in Adventist circles. His...

Adventist Food

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Ellen Was a Sick Teenage Girl Who Changed the World. Don’t Underestimate What You Have.

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She was nine years old when a rock hit...

You Are Not a Backslider. You Are a Human Being Having a Hard Time.

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  We have a word for people who are struggling. We...

Here’s Why the Mormons Are Way Richer Than Us

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It’s not magic—it’s culture, structure, and theology. Members of...

Local Adventist Discovers Caring for the Poor Is Not a Liberal Conspiracy—But Actually, Like… Half the Bible

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SPRINGFIELD, USA — In a shocking turn of events...

Sabbath Observance

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Can You Actually Prepare for the End Times?

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There’s a whole subculture in Adventism that treats the...

The Great Disappointment 2.0: Finding Out Catholics Actually Like Jesus Too

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  Growing up Adventist, the "Great Controversy" worldview doesn’t just...

Stop Treating “Do Not Worry” Like a Suggestion

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We’ve turned one of Jesus’ clearest commands into background...

Should We Shun Those Who Leave Adventism?

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In a lot of high-control religious spaces, shunning isn’t...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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