Saturday, May 17, 2025

Church Life

Advent-Lift Ride-Sharing App, Promises to Get You to Church on Time (or Your Tithe Back!)

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Tired of showing up late to Sabbath School because you refused to start your car on holy time? Fear not, weary Adventist traveler – the...

9 Reasons the Local Adventist Church Brings Hope

1. Real Fellowship (Away from General Conference Drama) The local Adventist congregation is your safe haven from the theological arm-wrestling of General Conference votes. Here,...

Adventist Spends Entire Service Praying For Strength to Say “No” to Nominating Committee Roles

As Sister Diane Overcommitted took her usual seat in the third pew from the front, she knew what was coming. Her body tensed up...

Deacon Calling You “Sister” Has Clearly Forgotten Your Name Again

There you are, minding your own business at church, when Deacon Wilbur approaches with that tight-lipped smile that means he's about to ask you...

Introvert Escapes Through Church Fire Exit to Avoid Chatty Deacon

It was another scorching Sabbath morning at Tumbleweed Seventh-day Adventist Church and the air conditioning wasn't cooperating. Jared, the quintessential introvert, was already perspiring...

Nobody Owning Church Fart

The foul smell descended upon the church like an unholy cloud, shattering the pious peace. All heads turned as the rotten egg stench filled...

Deceased Adventist Couple, COSTCO Members, Leave Huge Quantities of Supplies to Church

When Wilbur and Agnes Stillbody passed away within a month of one another leaving their entire estate to the church, the conference trusts and...

Tourist Adventist Crushed When Asked to Preach Upon Arrival at Church

Bernard "Bernie" Bernacki, a man who meticulously planned his vacations down to the brand of non-dairy yogurt he'd pack, was starting to sweat through...

29th Adventist Fundamental: Every Problem is Best Solved by a New Committee

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a move that surprised absolutely no one, the General Conference Executive Committee has officially enshrined a 29th fundamental belief:...

MYSTERIOUS: Local Member Always Out Of Town For Scheduled Church Work Bees

Joe Peresoso has an impeccable talent for conveniently being out of town whenever work bees are scheduled at Dusty Shelf SDA. The word around church...

Headstrong Member Crushed to Hear Church Has Room For Guy That Doesn’t Agree With Him

In a stunning blow to his ego, super-opinionated church member Chad Righteous was devastated to hear that his church has room for a guy...