Church Life
Advent-Lift Ride-Sharing App, Promises to Get You to Church on Time (or Your Tithe Back!)
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Tired of showing up late to Sabbath School because you refused to start your car on holy time? Fear not, weary Adventist traveler – the...
Church Life
9 Reasons the Local Adventist Church Brings Hope
1. Real Fellowship (Away from General Conference Drama)
The local Adventist congregation is your safe haven from the theological arm-wrestling of General Conference votes. Here,...
Church Life
Adventist Spends Entire Service Praying For Strength to Say “No” to Nominating Committee Roles
As Sister Diane Overcommitted took her usual seat in the third pew from the front, she knew what was coming. Her body tensed up...
Church Life
Deacon Calling You “Sister” Has Clearly Forgotten Your Name Again
There you are, minding your own business at church, when Deacon Wilbur approaches with that tight-lipped smile that means he's about to ask you...
Church Growth
Introvert Escapes Through Church Fire Exit to Avoid Chatty Deacon
It was another scorching Sabbath morning at Tumbleweed Seventh-day Adventist Church and the air conditioning wasn't cooperating. Jared, the quintessential introvert, was already perspiring...
Church Life
Nobody Owning Church Fart
The foul smell descended upon the church like an unholy cloud, shattering the pious peace. All heads turned as the rotten egg stench filled...
Church Life
Deceased Adventist Couple, COSTCO Members, Leave Huge Quantities of Supplies to Church
When Wilbur and Agnes Stillbody passed away within a month of one another leaving their entire estate to the church, the conference trusts and...
Adventist Celebrities
Tourist Adventist Crushed When Asked to Preach Upon Arrival at Church
Bernard "Bernie" Bernacki, a man who meticulously planned his vacations down to the brand of non-dairy yogurt he'd pack, was starting to sweat through...
Church Life
29th Adventist Fundamental: Every Problem is Best Solved by a New Committee
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a move that surprised absolutely no one, the General Conference Executive Committee has officially enshrined a 29th fundamental belief:...
Church Life
MYSTERIOUS: Local Member Always Out Of Town For Scheduled Church Work Bees
Joe Peresoso has an impeccable talent for conveniently being out of town whenever work bees are scheduled at Dusty Shelf SDA.
The word around church...
Adventists Speak Up
Headstrong Member Crushed to Hear Church Has Room For Guy That Doesn’t Agree With Him
In a stunning blow to his ego, super-opinionated church member Chad Righteous was devastated to hear that his church has room for a guy...