Tourist Adventist Crushed When Asked to Preach Upon Arrival at Church

Bernard “Bernie” Bernacki, a man who meticulously planned his vacations down to the brand of non-dairy yogurt he’d pack, was starting to sweat through the one dress shirt he had bothered to pack.  Read more […]

You Might Be a Conservative Adventist If…

You might be a conservative Adventist if: You never miss a vespers. Your idea of a wild Friday night is inviting friends over to read Ellen White’s writings aloud. After vespers, of course. You Read more […]

Kanye Announces Atlanta Adventist Academy Listening Event

ATLANTA, Ga. – Fresh off another Donda listening event in Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium, rapper/fashion designer Kanye West announced that ahead of his yet-to-be-released album, he wants to Read more […]

Adventists Launch Humility Olympics

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a bid to encourage humility among members, the Adventist Church has announced a brand new event on the denominational calendar. The Humility Olympics will feature Read more […]

Every Adventist claims to personally know Paul Lee after his Royal Wedding solo Adventist World — Within minutes of Paul Lee completing his stunning solo during The Kingdom Choir’s “Stand by Me” performance at the Royal Wedding, every Adventist Read more […]

Fixer Upper Stars to head up Maranatha church construction

WACO, Tex. — Fresh off announcing that they are calling it quits with their wildly popular home renovation show, Fixer Upper stars Chip and Joanna Gaines have decided to try their hand at building Read more […]

Mel Gibson awarded honorary Adventist membership for directing ‘Hacksaw Ridge’

  HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Famed actor and director, Mel Gibson is officially the first person to be awarded honorary membership by the Seventh-day Adventist Church. Although church leaders Read more […]

115-year-old Adventist wins gold at World Breakdancing Olympics

VENICE BEACH, Calif. — An unlikely athlete took gold at the World Breakdancing Olympics which concluded today. Gertrude Logan, known simply as G-Lo in breakdancing circles, crushed her competitors Read more […]